Posted: 9/19/16 | September 19th, 2016
In this months LGBT column, Dani from GlobetrotterGirls discusses lesbian travel and shares 4 important thing every lesbian travler needs to know before heading out on the road.
While sitting at the rooftop pool of my hotel and sharing beers with other travelers over sunset, the ever-dreaded question comes up: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Here we go again, I think to myself, another coming out.
Though I’ve had this conversation hundreds of times, the words “I’m gay” still don’t come easily, especially because I never know what reaction to it will be.
Will the situation get awkward?
Will someone make a homophobic comment?
It’s never a simple affair. Instead, it usually results in a number of questions where I feel like I’m the ambassador of all things lesbian — scissoring, dildos, and why some women choose an androgynous look – to a group of strangers I just met.
Like gay travel, lesbian travel presents its own set of challenges.
If you are a femme lesbian or couple, it isn’t much different from solo female travel. Nobody is looking at you funny, and you don’t need to feel particularly threatened in one of the over 70 countries where homosexuality is not legal (including 12 where it is punishable by death) — because nobody knows you’re a lesbian. When traveling with a feminine girl, it is usually more likely that we’ll get asked if we are sisters than lovers.
However, if you are a butch lesbian, it’s a completely different story. It’s much more obvious that you are gay, and you can’t hide your sexuality. If you are a femme/butch couple or butch/butch couple, it is nearly impossible to hide your sexual orientation or the fact that you are a couple — even if you keep the PDAs to a minimum. You’ll definitely notice the looks of other people.
As Mindy Postoff, who writes the lesbian travel blog Bounding Over Our Steps with her wife Ligeia said,
Don’t assume everyone sees you the way you see yourself. Most people will see you based on the stereotypes they were raised with. Your butch appearance is a clear sign to many people in the U.S. that you’re a lesbian. In other countries, especially non-Western ones, you might just be stereotyped to being ‘a woman with short hair.’ I’ve been mistaken for a man many times before, but most (if not all of those times), they’re the ones that are embarrassed about it.
For butch-looking lesbians traveling for the first time, she recommends: “If you’ve caught the travel bug, then go to places that have similar societal norms as your own. Go to places where same-sex marriage is legal and pride events are big celebrations.”
So, if you’re a lesbian about to head out on the road, here are some important things to know beforehand:
1. It’s harder to meet lesbians and find travel companies that cater to lesbians
There are many more hotels, resorts, cruises, and organized tours that cater to gay men. Sure, there are some tour operators who specialize in lesbian travel (such as Olivia), there is the occasional lesbian cruise, and there are some lesbian-owned B&Bs and hotels, but they are few and far between.
(In my experience they also tend to cater to lesbian couples and older lesbians, leaving out younger girls who are looking to meet other single girls their age on vacation.)
Most big cities also have at least one gay bar, whereas there are fewer and fewer lesbian bars.
Even on a recent visit to Berlin, a major gay hotspot, I struggled to find a lesbian party on a Friday night because the popular girls’ night only takes place every other Friday.
If you are traveling alone and want to connect with local girls, I recommend lesbian dating apps like Her or Scissr, or general dating apps such as Tinder, Plenty of Fish, or OkCupid.
These apps can be used for hookups, of course, but I have never had a problem using them simply as a way to connect with a local girl to show me around or introduce me to the lesbian bar or club scene.
If you would like to go to a lesbian party, check Time Out or Purple Roofs for lesbian events. Lesbian or queer groups on Couchsurfing.org and Meetup.com are also a great place to ask for recommendations or find lesbian meet-ups.
2. Traveling as a couple? You’ll often tone down your relationship
If you are traveling with your partner, you will often find yourself toning down your relationship in order to not draw attention, especially when you are traveling in regions where homosexuality isn’t widely accepted. This includes little gestures like stroking your partner’s back, using terms of endearment with each other or holding hands. Things that are completely normal for straight couples are often an absolute no-go for same-sex couples.
While this may not seem like a big deal, it can be tough at times to not be able to fully show your feelings for each other, especially on a rough travel day that doesn’t go as planned. It can wear you down after a while, which is why it is important to book private rooms at least part of the time, even when you are on a long-term backpacking trip with a tight budget. That way, you can at least have some time away from prying eyes.
There is one advantage that lesbian couples have over gay male couples: it is much less of a hassle to get a double bed for two women than it is for two men, even in countries where homosexuality is illegal. Two girls sharing a bed is socially much more accepted than two men asking for a double bed, which can turn into an awkward situation at the check-in counter, or even become downright dangerous if you are in a country where same-sex relationships are a no-no.
(That said, be warned: you will get odd looks sometimes when you insist on a double bed at check-in or are given a room with twin beds even though you specifically booked a room with a double bed.)
3. Know the laws and safety situation
In some respects, safety — as a queer traveler — is actually less of an issue for women, because there are still a lot of countries where same-sex relationships between two men are punished, but same-sex relationships between two women are not.
And, as mentioned, a femme solo traveler or couple often does not raise any suspicions.
On the other hand, safety is a much bigger concern for lesbians than it is for gay men because women of any sexuality have to worry about being sexual assault or abuse. That’s not to say it can’t happen to men but that it happens to women much more often. Lesbian travelers have the added issue of being victims of hate crimes, too.
It is important to do a lot of research before your trip. How is homosexuality seen in the country I’m traveling to?
Are PDAs inappropriate, or can I go ahead and smooch my girlfriend without fearing a rock might get thrown at me?
It is important to understand what might be seen as offensive in the country you are visiting and respect the local culture.
The ILGA (International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association) is a good starting point for your research with its maps of sexual orientation laws, as is the IGLTA (International Gay and Lesbian Travelers Association) with their online travel planning resources for LGBT travelers.
4. Don’t let fear hold you back — go somewhere welcoming
If you feel unsure about a certain destination because your sexual orientation is obvious, start instead with a country that is known to be gay friendly, such as Costa Rica or Mexico or one of the countries that have legalized same-sex marriage and 19 more that offer something equal, or even a destination with a thriving gay culture within the U.S., such as San Francisco or New York.
If you are looking to embrace your gay-ness while traveling, then why not check out a lesbian festival like the Ella Festival in Spain, L-Beach in Germany, or the Eressos Women’s Festival in Greece. WikiTravel has a great overview of gay-friendly and dangerous destinations, plus a list of all major Prides and other gay events.
Traveling the world is an amazing experience that teaches you a lot about yourself and the world around you. Traveling safely, though — regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or even the color of your skin — is all about preparation.
Do your research, know what to expect, and your journey can be all the more satisfying. Instead of being afraid to travel because of your sexuality, you should see traveling as a lesbian also as a chance to raise awareness of gay culture. I guarantee that you will meet people (including Americans) who have never met a gay person in their lives, and showing them that we are — as solo travelers and as couples — no different from them and opening their minds to other ways of living is a rewarding by-product, as you learn about different cultures and lifestyles yourself.
Dani Heinrich is the writer and photographer behind GlobetrotterGirls.com. Originally from Germany, she has been nomadic since 2010, when she quit her corporate job and embarked on a round-the-world-trip that continues to this day. Dani is always on the hunt for amazing street art, mouthwatering vegetarian food, secluded beaches, scenic running routes, off the beaten path gems and a hammock to work from. You can follow her adventures on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks
Book Your Flight
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Don’t Forget Travel Insurance
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Ready to Book Your Trip?
Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel. I list all the ones I use when I travel. They are the best in class and you can’t go wrong using them on your trip.
Bruno
Good read and great to know website is becoming open and tolerant! 🙂
Kishor
Good information. Nice to know that website is giving good advice to those travel may be difficult. I hope travel may be safe for everyone.
Larisse
This was a great read! Very informative. Wished I read this before my trip. My partner and I recently went to Puerto Vallarta. I did find myself apprehensive at first about showing any kind of affection, but our surrounding everywhere we went was laxed and comfortable. I felt like no one cared, especially the locals. This was my personal experience, so I can’t speak for others. The only comments I heard from afar were sadly from Americans.
You’re absolutely right. Don’t be afraid to travel, do your research, and raise awareness.
Wanted to share our trip:
https://youtu.be/i2xUbFihyaQ
Drew Griffiths
Interesting, never thought about any specific considerations regarding sexuality
Mark S
Great article on I guess what I would have to call alternative lifestyle travel, however I would like to ad a note. When I started traveling with my partner I wanted to stay in gay or gay friendly hotels and did for a while but as I traveled more I realized I was paying way over 50% more for staying in those places and getting nothing extra from it. I soon stopped and my travels became much less expensive. I do still stay in Gay places but only when the prices are in line with all the other hotels in the area.
Devon Kiss
Thanks for the post about LGBT travel. Very informative, great links!!
SJ Kim
Very nice. Good to read it. Thank you for the post.
I think it’s true. I felt very nice to see the open minded article. Regardless of anything. 🙂
Jay Khan
Very good attractive to read with describable images of the relevant topics.
Victoria
My girlfriend and I are starting a project where we are saving for an RV so we can travel around the USA and Canada with our three rescue pups! We’ll be WWOOFing and volunteering along the way and sharing our adventure.
The project is called Lezzies on the Lam and we plan to address all this stuff in our blog and podcast too! It’s great to see this on here, Nomadic Matt!
@lezziesonthelam
Victoria
‘Nice one Matt! ‘
Great to see posts about gay women as well as gay men. ‘Living in Europe, we tend to forget that not all countries are as tolerant as where most of us live. Great advice.
p.s. Well done Dani!
Gina
I’m not a member of the LGBT community but I love how this site respects these people and give them reasonable guides for travel. Great article!
NomadicMatt
I want to make sure everyone has the best information to travel on a budget! We are an inclusive community!
Julianna
What a great piece and nice to hear about travelling from a different perspective. Well written and very insightful.
Peter Danvers
Very nice article.
Kevin Gauthert
Actually I doubt anyone had never met a gay person
May never have met an OPENLY gay person.. someone they knew was gay.. slightly different
Mei and Kerstin
Thanks for this post Dani! And thank you Matt for creating an LGBT column here! It’s always good to know how other lesbian couple travelers handle some awkward situations. For years, we had not really shown that we’re a couple. People would think that we’re just friends, and in several countries and places we just let them believe it, because it was “easier” and we prefered to avoid problems. But now that we’re in our 30s, legally married, and together for over 14 years…, we grew tired of “hiding”. So we’ve decided to say right away from the start that we are a married couple, and if necessary to ask if they (such as boutique hotels or private tour guides) have a problem with that. If they do, we prefer to walk away, and use another service provider. Of course, that may seem an odd thing to do for travellers: there are places/countries we will probably never set foot on, and we also make less friends on the road (some would think we prefer to be left alone as a couple, while others are unsure how they should behave/do/say). But as important as traveling and exploring various cultures are to us, our relationship, the truth, and the fact to be able to travel together as a married (lesbian) couple have become even more important throughout the years.
Natalie Doliner
Great, informative article. Thank you. I am just starting to travel as a single lesbian, and it would be nice to meet others out there. You gave me good ideas about how to do my research.
Helen
As with most information I have found, full of contradictions. “Don’t let fear hold you back-go somewhere welcoming!”
I am headed to Tanzania for 6 months, where it is illegal to be gay. And I am VERY butch. And I am a little scared, yes. Most of the well-meaning “tips” I have been getting are from gay men and it’s “Women almost never get arrested! Wear whatever you want!” which is terrible and short-sighted. it’s not illegal in the USA to be gay, but should people not pay attention to the norms where they are going? Most bigots act outside of the law.
If you’re going to tell people to only travel to “safe” places, and they listen to you, that’s letting fear hold them back. Meanwhile I have shaved my head, auditioning different knit hats and poofy pants and tunics, even sort of a man-dress. Should be fun. After Tanzania I am going directly to Thailand for 6 more months. See you in a year.
Rivka
I have to agree with Helen here. My wife and I have been travelling on and off for the better part of the last 7 years and are currently on a big 2 year trip as a honeymoon adventure. We don’t neccessarily travel to the “safe locations” and we are careful about how we present when we are in places we know can be a problem but I’m not sure that the lesbian community is accurately represented with the above information. Not to say that the problems that can be faced above are not issues for all lesbian couples but outward presentation of sexuality is very different than those who “pass”. My wife is butch and I am not. I can “pass” as straight should I choose to but how my wife who is not comfortable presenting in a femminine is recieved can be a very different story. I think to get a wider view there may need to be a post for butch women.
Plastikfrei Leben
Thanks for the blog post.
I am traveling since 1 1/2 years with my girlfriend. At the moment we are in Bangkok. Yesterday I was also checking if there are any bars or places where you can meet other women – but the most places are men only.
I think 99% of the time local people think we are friends or sisters because many people in the countries we visited so far told us its not “common”.
Thanks for sharing your post
Dorita
Thank you for this article. As a senior lesbian traveling solo I am pretty much ignored which has its advantages. But sometimes it would be nice just to met locals and be honest. I will check out her website.