Updated: 8/26/2018 | August 26th, 2018
Kristin Addis from Be My Travel Muse writes our regular column on solo female travel. It’s an important topic I can’t adequately cover, so I brought in an expert to share her advice for other women travelers to help cover the topics important and specific to them! She’s amazing and knowledgable. This month, we are starting the year off with some of the common myths people have about solo female travel!
Your partner thinks it would be selfish of you to travel without him/her. Your parents are worried for your safety. Your friends want to go with you but they are all busy working on their careers. The mainstream media tells you the world is a scary place for women. The little voice in your head whispers worries about loneliness to you. Does any of this sound familiar?
Just like you, I had a lot of misconceptions about traveling alone before I went overseas. I thought it might be dangerous, lonely, too much work, or make people think that I didn’t have any friends.
Plus, who wants to see all these amazing places completely alone? It sounded like a non-option, at least at first.
Then I realized nobody had the time to go with me, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I just had to go, or else I might never go.
So I went alone and found out that all of my assumptions about traveling solo were dead wrong. I wasn’t lonely, I didn’t end up kidnapped, and, in a lot of ways, it was actually way better to travel by myself. The freedom it afforded me, the way it grew my confidence, and all of the new friends I made were huge benefits that wouldn’t have happened it I went with a group of friends.
So for everyone who thinks that solo travel is lonely, dangerous, or boring, I am here to debunk a few common solo female travel myths to help give you the courage to get over your fears and go on an epic solo adventure
Myth #1: Solo traveling means being lonely often.
The scariest thing about traveling by yourself is the thought that you might be alone for your entire vacation, right? Who wants to travel to the other side of the world only to have to be by herself while looking at the majestic red sunrise over Angkor Wat?
I was really worried about this before I started traveling solo. Thankfully, I came to find that I made more friends in one week on the road than I had in a whole year back at home.
The best thing about traveling solo is that you’re not the only one doing it. More and more women are considering the concept of solo traveling to be realistic these days, and I couldn’t believe how it’s encouraging to see so many other solo female travelers out there traveling by themselves! Thanks to the power of social media, you can easily join online communities that are created specifically for solo female travelers, where you can gain and give support, share your travel plans, and connect with other like-minded solo female travelers. I also find that it’s easy to talk to and meet other travelers – they’re friendly people! I rarely felt alone during my years of traveling thanks to this.
Myth #2: Solo traveling is only for those who are single.
Before I started traveling and meeting people with all kinds of different stories and backgrounds, I figured that if you’re traveling by yourself, it must be because you don’t have a significant other. People who have commitments like a family or partner don’t just go traveling on their own. It must mean there’s a problem in the relationship or that they’re escaping their commitments, right?
Wrong. I came to learn that plenty of people who are in relationships travel alone, and for all kinds of reasons.
It could just be that they have different interests, something many relationship experts say is totally healthy. Maybe their partner can’t get time off from work, or maybe both parties made a conscious decision to do some soul-searching on a solo adventure, even just for a portion of the trip, and meet back up again.
Many solo travelers are single, but there are many more who are in relationships too. Just because you’re not single doesn’t mean you can’t have an awesome trip by yourself.
Myth #3: You must be extraordinarily brave to travel on your own.
A lot of my friends thought I was ultra brave and independent because I was going to travel alone. The honest truth is that I was incredibly scared and overwhelmed with the idea of traveling solo until I finally just got on the plane and went. To fear what you don’t know is just to be human. It’s in our nature.
Despite being terrified, I went anyway. Later I laughed at how scared I had been, after I realized that getting around, meeting new people, and finding things to eat was all way easier than I had ever thought it could be.
You don’t have to be sure of everything and incredibly courageous to go traveling on your own. Those things may come as a nice benefit of traveling solo, but they don’t have to be prerequisites. The hardest part is getting on the plane. After that, it’s surprisingly easy to get around language barriers, figure out timetables, and have an adventure. Plenty of locals speak at least some English, and Google Maps, translation apps, and cellphone connectivity have all made traveling so much easier than it used to be.
Myth #4: You can’t be an introvert.
I used to quietly watch the TV in bars or wear my headphones in public places so that I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. I used to feel pretty paralyzed in a room with someone with a strong personality. Basically, I was kind of awkward.
But an incredible benefit of traveling by myself is that it has made me outgoing. Even if you have trouble starting a conversation, in a hostel common room, chances are really good that eventually someone will reach out to you and bring you into a conversation. I recall that in the Philippines, a girl tapped me and asked where I’m from, and after chatting for a while, we became friends and hung out all week.
You will probably also find that after a few times approaching new people — which will be incredibly nerve-racking at first — they will be so much more open than you feared that it will be an encouraging surprise. It’s so easy to start a conversation by simply asking somebody where they’re from or where they just came from. I know those are cliché, but they also work, and before you know it, you have something to talk about.
It’s easy to build up confidence around travelers — they’re just really friendly people!
Myth #5: It’s dangerous to travel solo, especially as a woman.
You’ve seen the movie, Taken, right? The one where Liam Neeson’s daughter gets kidnapped in Europe and he kicks major butt and rescues her? Or what about Brokedown Palace, where Claire Danes gets thrown in Thai jail when a handsome stranger plants drugs on her? This is our image of girls traveling the world (thanks, Hollywood!). It’s no surprises that time and again, women are told that they should never travel solo!
First of all, neither of the protagonists in those movies actually was traveling solo. Maybe if they had been, they would have paused and listened to their voices of reason and stayed out of trouble.
Staying safe on the road is all about trusting your intuition, behaving abroad like you would at home. Would you get super drunk alone at a bar at home? Would you walk around alone at night? Talk to the locals at your guesthouse about what you should watch out for, and practice common sense. What kept you alive at home and keeps you alive on the road, too.
For more check out this post all about solo female travel safety.
And take a look at these blogs for inspiration and proof women can travel alone:
Every day millions of women travel the world alone. It’s safe and doable, and you won’t end up in a ditch!
Myth #6: You will constantly get unwanted attention.
It happened from car windows when I was walking home from school at age 14, it happened when I was getting into my car at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere in Nevada, and it happens when I walk down the streets of New York City. Sometimes a boyfriend was only a few steps away — it didn’t matter. Catcalls happen abroad and at home. They’re annoying, yes, but don’t let them keep you from having the awesome solo trip you deserve.
The best way to deal with that kind of attention is to make sure you understand the modesty requirements in the countries that you visit and dress accordingly. Some women suggest wearing a wedding band, but I find that being very confident, looking people in the eye, and being respectfully assertive are all good ways to stand my ground as well.
While simply being a female does open you up for catcalls and unwanted advances in some parts of the world, in many cases, though, it’s quite the opposite, and I’m treated with respect and kindness, particularly because I’m a woman traveling on her own.
Myth #7: It’s way more work because you have to do everything yourself.
If you travel on your own, you will be making all of the decisions.
This is also the biggest benefit of traveling solo. It means that you don’t have to plan ahead if you don’t want to, and have more serendipitous fun, the novelty of which we are hardwired to crave. You don’t have to worry about whether the other person is having fun or not, or stress about doing everything for two or more people.
In fact, the more I travel solo, the more I find that planning a trip for one is often much easier than planning for a group. I get to do only exactly what I want to do, see places that others may not be interested in, and even have a “day off” in my travels without the guilt!
The benefit of complete freedom while traveling solo absolutely outweighed the extra legwork that I had to do. I also found it easy to just ask a friend which restaurant or activity they liked, or the person working at the hostel counter. It’s not that hard.
Myth #8: Traveling solo is a huge, life-changing decision.
A lot of people sell off everything they have and take off to the other side of the world with a one-way ticket in hand (I’m talking about myself here), but that doesn’t mean that everyone who travels solo has turned her life upside down in order to do it.
It can be as simple as a weekend trip alone to another city, a two-week jaunt to a warm and tropical place you’ve never been, or a monthlong solo backpacking trip in Europe between semesters. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal, and you could come right back to life as you know it before, with a few new adventures and a bit more confidence.
I ended up finding that, instead of solo traveling being a disadvantage in any way, it was actually advantageous to be free when I traveled. It endeared me more to locals, and I got to have unique experiences because I could say yes to everything, and that’s something that only solo travelers can say. It’s a big benefit to be able to go where you want when you want, without having to answer to anyone else. There must be a reason why it keeps growing in popularity year after year, right?
If traveling is about the benefits, the time spent in a new reality, and a departure from your normal, everyday life, then to traveling solo is to put those benefits on steroids. Give it a try, and you too may find that your misconceptions about it are all wrong.
Kristin Addis is a solo female travel expert who inspires women to travel the world in an authentic and adventurous way. A former investment banker who sold all of her belongings and left California in 2012, Kristin has solo traveled the world for over four years, covering every continent (except for Antarctica, but it’s on her list). There’s almost nothing she won’t try and almost nowhere she won’t explore. You can find more of her musings at Be My Travel Muse or on Instagram and Facebook.
Conquering Mountains: The ultimate Guide to Solo Female Travel
For a complete A-to-Z guide on solo female travel, check out Kristin’s new book, Conquering Mountains. Besides discussing many of the practical tips of preparing and planning your trip, the book addresses the fears, safety, and emotional concerns women have about traveling alone. It features over 20 interviews with other female travel writers and travelers. Click here to learn more about the book and start reading it today!
TF
Great post!!!
I’m one who advocates a wedding band because while it doesn’t prevent catcalls it is one of the nonnegotiable ways to get rid of somebody who is not going to let you, his chance at a green card, get away. And that is tiresome. Ring = case closed, ’nuff said.
I certainly met far more people when traveling alone than when with a partner or a group. The conversations also tended to be more interesting; when I was with companions, the conversations would be limited to “can you tell me how to get to X”–just getting info, vs. learning.
Anna Colorista
Thanks for this beautifully written article. I always get so frustrated when people question my decision to travel alone. It’s so sexist and quite frankly annoying. I travel in Muslim countries a lot and people at home always express their concerns that it could be dangerous to travel alone in “places like this”. Yikes, I seriously can’t stand one more discussion like that. With a bit of common sense traveling alone is never dangerous.
Laura
Thank you for debunking some of these myths! Travelling solo while in a relationship also strengthens the relationship. It makes coming back together so much more valuable. (I’m talking from experience!)
I also had fantastic conversations with strangers while travelling solo, just because they see me sitting alone somewhere and not engaged in any other conversation.
When cycling through Germany and Scandinavia on my own I became emotional though, on some few rainy lonely evenings in my tent. But the freedom, oh the freedom of solo travelling was so worth it!
Candace
Thank you for this post Kristin! Laura, traveling solo while in a relationship opened my eyes. What are your thoughts traveling while having financial burdens (student and car loans)?
Natalie
Excellent article. I wish I had been more adventurous back when I was single and childless. I may have chosen to travel more than I did. But, I’m not afraid to travel now with my kids in tow and it’s due in part to articles like this and solo travel bloggers (both male and female).
Linda
I am a female solo traveler also. Once on a trip, I met a male solo traveler. He said that he was very happily married (met his wife in the Peace Corps). He shared with me that he and his wife take 2 trips per year—one trip together and one trip solo.
They feel that the experiences are totally different and equally satisfying but in different ways. One tends to reach out and meet other interesting people more frequently while traveling alone —standing in line, eating at restaurants, etc. etc. When I first started traveling alone, I was worried about many things; but as
the above article clearly describes, most of those worries were unfounded. Go for it!!!!! Traveling alone is much better than not traveling at all. In fact, it is FABULOUS !
Sander Smith
You’re a brave woman I must say! I have been traveling since 2010 and I always do it with friends. I’m also thinking bout being lonely and lost but thankfully, I haven’t had that experience yet. I’m dependent on different travel sites like hotelsdifferently.com, hotelscombined.com and the likes. I’m always after a well planned vacation, (my budget and time of course is always a priority) but reading this post has inspired me. Maybe I’ll go for an all out adventure once in my life! Wish me luck. 🙂
Siggi Einarson
Great post! It frustrates me how much stigmatism and negative ideas come along with solo female traveler. I was once asked why I don’t have any friends that would travel with me. Like, what? You don’t say that to people! I enjoy traveling by myself-I can do whatever I want and when I want. I am a stronger person for this.
Love this post!
Megan
I love this! Everyone tells me how brave I am for going on my own and I think, well, ok? And then sometimes I point out that I’m afraid of the dark and big dogs and going under water sometimes and horses and probably too much other stuff. But I’m not afraid of travelling alone. I definitely have to show this to people when they question my next trip!
Kaila Yu
I’m not afraid to be alone, I’m an introvert and love to be myself, but I am scared to live alone as a woman. I’ve always lived with a roommate or a boyfriend. I think I watch too many crime murder mysteries and fear I’ll get kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery (even though I’m now too old to be a target)
Samantha Taki
Great post Matt. I enjoyed your perspectives. I am married and do travel a few places by myself, however mostly we do travel together. But, we enjoy spending a part of day (or two days depending on the length of our stay) and do something independent. I am go to a art museum, while he may go to a aviation museum. It’s nice to mix it up a little and then have something new and different to share that evening. So even thought I am not a solo traveler, we do enjoy doing a few things solo while traveling. Thanks again for the post.
guineveruca
Great article! The more women that hit the road on their own (even for short trips) and talk about it, the more we will be seen just as travelers, instead of Solo Female Travelers ™.
The only change I would make to this article is that being an introvert is NOT the same thing as shy, and has nothing to do with confidence. Too often the answer to questions about being an introvert while traveling is “don’t worry, you’ll meet so many people!”, which does not actually address introversion. The norm is still to force yourself to be extroverted on the road, which is exhausting for introverts.
It’s totally possible to be introverted on the road, and going solo is great, because you can control whether to interact with others or not without having to check in with anyone else about whether they are having a good time. As Kristin mentions, there are plenty of opportunities to meet other travelers for an afternoon or drinks or even a few days – and it’s just as easy and ok to keep to yourself as much as you want.
Dave
Love what I am reading here! Woman and man facing the great unknown? Hope it is not intrusive for a male to leave an opinion ?
I have done both, traveled with men and women. You can know a person most of your life and not really know them until you travel together. Alone by far had more enriching experiences, there is a solace that is accompanying.
At present I am in Bangkok, first time to the East, soloing again.
My formula is to at first ( one month tour i never travel less than 14 days at a time ) establish a routine to a degree so I am not a total stranger. Yes day time foot travel, average 10 – 20 kms per day investigating my surroundings , taxi home at end , or walk if I\’m not lost. Bangkok is such a cool place I walk the same streets for days and find new stuff each time. Now my face is not so strange , starting to get more and more smiles as I go. As a soloist never be in a hurry, yes look\’em in the eye. Let them decide , some people are born grumpy dont take it on to yourself.
I have mixed emotions about the \”ring thing\” guys do it too. Now you meet someone you like and……… it can be presumed by others next time as…………., so consider who you really are.
Finally, research, research, research. Nothing says more about yourself to others as simply as being relaxed and cool even if your heart is racing.
Dont look behind, something could be gaining on you.
Amy Vines
Thank you for debunking these myths Matt! I am also a solo traveler for a couple of years now and the last place I adventure I completed was camping at Iceland. I still have a long bucket list to complete ahead this year. I don’t know but I feel like traveling solo is empowering to help overcome my fears through trying new things. It also allows me to do the things I want and not to do the things I don’t like.
Craig
I am a married American male that often travels alone, with my wife’s full approval. Just last week I went solo to the post office to pick up a package for her… As long as I am back within 20 minutes and am available by phone, it is usually not a problem.
Pura
Well said!
Last year I spent 8 months traveling the world alone and I was excited, scared and thrilled all at the same time. I have traveled with others all my life but always wanted to go out on my own and have the freedom to go where I wanted, do what I wanted without having to please others. And it was GREAT! Another thing that is important to understand that solo travel does not have an age limit. Where many solo travelers are young some of us are middle aged or in our golden years. This gives a different perspective to travel and may require some changes (hostels are not for me but they are great for others) but the feeling of freedom, accomplishment, learning and wonder is the same no matter what age. I hope you enjoy solo traveling and keep writing about it for many, many years.
Melliza
Thank you for this. Its an inspiration for me to travel alone. surely plan my travel soon..=)
Allison Thompson
Hi Matt, just wanted to say how much I loved reading this article. I’ve been married now for some 30 odd years and of course we tend to travel together. But once we reach our destination we love to spend time apart.
I’ve never felt uncomfortable on my own, in fact I love the freedom to be able to explore places that my husband wouldn’t be that interested in. He loves it when I decide to go off shopping on my own.
Bonnie J. Weissman
Have done this a lot too. During nearly a month in Italy, I arranged a fishing day for my husband with a local guide in Florence. He was gone for 11 hours and was so happy when he came back! After he cleaned up and we sat down to dinner, he exclaimed he was now ready to go back to cathedrals and art museums! The money was worth it!
Carly
I love this post! During the fall semester of my junior year of college, I studied abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark, and spent the semester traveling around Europe with two other female friends. Over the course of the semester, we visited 12 countries and many more cities, and generally stuck together as a group. We had an amazing and safe time, in spite of many of the myths that surround female travel. I agree with many of the tips posted above and I am really excited that this information is accessible for other women interested in traveling. If I were to do it again, I would definitely feel comfortable traveling on my own.
Carly Pietrobono, anticipated graduation May 2017
Freeman School of Business / Tulane University
Tiffany
Where was that desert photo under Myth 5 taken?
Thank you
Mark
The Namib, a coastal desert in southern Africa
Emily Kydd
Thanks Kristen!
I am a solo female traveller, most of the time, and I would say hit the nail on the head here. I love the freedom to make all of my own plans while wrapping new friends in along the way.
Some of my absolutely favourite people in this world are phenomenal women who I have met travelling. And then we make plans to travel again later and we go on and on. I currently have gal traveller pals in Australia, Dubai, Mongolia, Kyrgyzstan, USA, Canada, Peru, France, and New Zealand right now, all who I love meeting up with around the globe.
I must say though the unwanted attention really does depend on where you are and the predominant social norms. I’m living in Jamaica right now, and while I have been here for over 8 months, I still get cat called, whistled at, and called “Whitie/White Girl” multiple times a day. It irritates me, but mainly due to the bigger picture of street harassment and gender inequality than actually making me feel unsafe.
Cheers,
Emily
Agnes
I am on my next solo adventure soon!!! Going to Budapest, Hungary…NOT afraid to be alone….why has society ‘brain-washed’ us to think we women can’t take care of ourselves? I am very confident that I will love my one month stay at a lovely Airbnb I’ve rented in Buda, District I….Got a great deal & it has every modern ‘convenience’ you can think of, sans a washing machine! But, who cares? I will be spending most of my time each & everyday exploring beautiful Budapest & the lovely thermal baths! Walk with confidence, smile gently, be secure in where you are headed, and I find no one bothers me! Let’s get independent, women!!! And, let’s stop ‘living in fear’….Live while we have our lives – is my motto!
Taryn Wenk
My first solo trip was to Oxford, England. In the summer they offer 5 day courses such as “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “The Cotswolds.” I stayed in the dorms at Christ Church College with many other people (although I had a single room with bath). I was a bit shy at first, but as soon as you go to lunch the first day, everyone talks to you. It was safe living in the dorms, and you get to know your classmates very well. For me this was the best way to travel alone for the first time-no fear of being lonely, no safety concerns, and I met so many great people.
Amanda
Actually , you do get more unwanted attention in certain areas.
I was constantly stalked and hassled in Turkey. People in middle eastern countries constantly ask why i am not married or have kids. I was sexually assaulted in a hostel of all places. You get far more than in the west. We should face the fact, female solo travelers are more at risk due to some men being barbarians . I was also assaulted in America but in the middle east it is not common for women to travel alone so some men think that we are whores.
I very much like the article though. I have been traveling alone the last 2.5 years. the hardest thing for me has been turkish men.
Gazle Padua
Great post Matt!!! Thanks for sharing this…
I am from the Philippines, this post is very inspiring for me. The thing is i never have traveled alone. Same as Kristin’s feeling before she did it, i feel the same way. I am afraid that it will be boring for me to travel alone, and all of “what if” thoughts, scared of thinking how will it go for me if i will do that.
I have my significant other,We are together for 7 years now. I remember that i told him once that i really wanna do it sometime in the future. He told me that it won’t be fun for me travelling alone. We always do it together. But i have this very strong feeling inside me that i have to do it. I wanna know what i am capable of doing when it comes to decision making, in different situation, having the freedom to do things for myself, meeting new friends,going out of my comfort zone..I think this is what i am lacking now.
Meanwhile, i can’t do it because i am committed to this new business that we “I and my Partner” started, and we have to be a bit tight in our budget. But for sure that i will definitely do it, i am not getting any younger and i don’t wanna get old with regrets not doing what i really wanted to do.
Thanks for sharing this Kristin!!!
Louise Cameron
This resonated so perfectly with me, I type as I sit in Laos ( Southern Asia) at the beginning of a solo world tour.
My boss asked me before I left, ‘ Well, when was the last time you had your handbag stolen?’ The answer of course was 14 years ago, so why should it be any different now. I live in one of the most ‘dangerous’ cities in the world ( Johannesburg, South Africa) so I am well aware of my surroundings, dodgy dealings and make smart decisions.. the trick is to be aware and think before you do something. I have never felt safer than now to be honest. Thank you for a great article Kristin!
Gargi Das
Thanks a lot for this article! What you wrote about is so true. Even my friends are terrified of solo travelling but my recent trip proved how wrong they are. Solo travelling helps to gain a lot confidence and enriches the soul. Moreover travelling alone has a lot of positive points that are very less considered by people or media.
grasya
i’ve been solo traveling for years.. currently in a hostel trying to battle my anti social self : ))).. it’s freedom on a certain level when you travel solo, highly recommended to ladies that they do this at least once in their lifetime
Jo
I recently did my first solo trip to Barcelona and I loved it, cant wait to travel more on my own. must admit I did find a couple of times I felt a little lost/unsure and didn’t venture out too much in the evenings (mainly because my feet was sore from walking so much), but I’m sure this will improve the I travel on my own and my confidence grows. Currently planning a 3 week trip to Vancouver, Victoria, Seattle and maybe Portland 🙂
soni
I am in a not so easy marriage.. I and my husband don’t share common interests… my husband literally hates me and doesn’t even talk to me.. I want to travel solo to overcome the difficulties in my life and get happier… can I do it ??
Liz Adriana
I have been traveling for my own for 1 year, and I have to tell you thta is a really good experience, you feel free to do what you want whitouth depending on anyone and manage your time to explore by yourself and meet new people also. Obviously travel with your couple will be a good idea, because can revival your honeymoon, but also traveling alone is a unique experience, since you can meet new people and have friends all over the world.
Bonnie J. Weissman
Loved this article. I’m 65 now, and have been happily married for 38 years. Although I usually travel with my husband, I have taken trips without him— to shop in Italy, paint in the South of France, etc. I got used to it as a new Army lieutenant over 40 years ago when I was stationed in the Netherlands, and later in Germany. I learned on my own how to fend off a group of nasty guys on the street in Amsterdam (ducked into a crowded bar and asked the bartender for help; an undercover cop took care of it on the spot). Sometimes if you feel alone, it’s nice to sit or walk with families with kids, or talk to the wait staff in a restaurant if they’re not busy. I talked to and still yak with almost everyone. It’s always fun to get the locals’ take on everything. I’m modern but dress modestly and respect local customs. It’s all part of “Ancora Imparo.” (“I am still learning.”— Michelangelo)