Travel Goals

1. Climb to Everest Base Camp.
2. Climb Mt Kilimanjaro.
3. Learn to Scuba Dive.
4. Visit every continent.
5. See the Galapagos Islands.
6. Sail down the Amazon River.
7. Climb Ayer's Rock.
8. Ride the Trans-Siberian.
9. Go into space.
10. Go wild at La Tomintina.
11. See the sunrise from Mt. Fuji.
12. Gaze at Borobudor.
13. Visit the Pyramids
14. Safari in East Africa.
15. Go to the World Cup!
16. See Machu Picchu.
17. Join the Century Club.
18. Visit Antarctica.
19. Do development work.
20. See Petra Jordan.
21. Backpack the Eastern Block.
22. See the Northern Lights.
23. Vegas Baby! Vegas!
24. Greek Island hop.
25. Cycle Tuscany.
26. Visit India.
27. Lounge in the Seychelles.
28. See Morocco.
29. Oktoberfest!
30. Caravan across the Sahara.
31. Visit Tibet.
32. Fly first class.
33. Go to Israel.
34. Carnival!!!!
35. Mardi Gras!
36. Cannes Film Festival.
37. Sundance Film Festival.
38. Eat a sushi meal at NOBU
39. Pacific Island hop.
40. Spend a night in the Ice Hotel.
41. See Glacier National Park.

Book Your Travel Here!!

How to Have Sex in Hostels

October 1, 2008

There you are. Staring across from some foreign hottie in some foreign hostel. You stare deeply into each others eyes and realize you are both conveying the same thought: “Let’s have sex.” No one wants to spend a year around the world and not comeback with at least one story of overseas romance. Magical nights spent in exotic cities- two souls exploring the world together. Or at least one drunk night in that hostel in Europe. Whatever works best for you. Kindred spirits abound on the travel trail and people are constantly starting and ending relationships- sometimes in the same day. So there you are then, in that hostel- what do you do? Where will you go? Well, here are some do’s and dont’s for having sex in a hostel:

DO head to the bathroom. This is a great place to do the nasty. You can lock the door and the shower makes for easy clean up after. Well, only a little bit because you might get a little dirty while in there but hey, comes right off!

DO head to the roof. Tons of hostels have roofs and tons of them keep them unlocked. No one one is going to bother you (unless they get the same idea- though maybe “the more the merrier” is a philosophy you take with you all the time?). Bump uglies under the stars all night long. It will be the most romantic time you get in a hostel.
sex in a hostel
DON’T have sex on the top bunk. You’ll shake the bed. It will creak. You’ll wake up everyone, especially your bunk mate. It’s just mean- there are other places to go. Don’t be that guy or girl! (or any combination of the two!)

DO put sheets up over the bed. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen sheets on the bottom bunk. Couples think they are being coy but we all know what is going on, especially when the moans start. But we appreciate it when you put up a sheet because no one wants to see your white, hairy ass bouncing up and down like a teenager thinking his parents aren’t home.

DON’T have sex in the common room. After a long day sightseeing, you want to come back, sit down on the couch, and go “ewww….why is this couch sticky?” Do us all a favor and head somewhere where you don’t leave a mark…at least one people will sit in. Try the supply closet where the hostel keeps cleaning supplies. No one will bother you there.

DON’T have sex in the kitchen. Seriously. I mean it. People eat there. The only white sauce I want on my pasta is made out of cheese. Hostel kitchens are dirty enough, there’s no need to make they dirtier. Additionally, there’s people in kitchen 24 hours. I mean it. Don’t have sex in the kitchen. Think of it as the hostel’s champagne room. There is no sex in the champagne room.

DO wait until people go to bed. If you wait until late at night, there’s less of a chance people will hear you. O.K., someone will hear you. They might even watch. You never know. But if you wait until everyone puts in earplugs and falls into a nice drunk sleep, the chances of you waking someone are pretty low. Unless you’re a screamer. Then there’s no hope.

DON’T do it in the evening. This is the WORST time to have sex. People are coming in from a day of sightseeing. They’re eating dinner. Getting ready to go out. Maybe on the Internet. Bottom line: Unless you want to show people your bottom and possibly get kicked out of the hostel in the process, wait a few hours. The anticipation will make it better.
sex in a hostel
DO wait until people go out. When night time rolls around and everyone goes out to socialize, there’s no one around to bother you and your special someone while you play a quiet game of who’s your daddy.

DON’T have sex in the morning. Everyone is getting up or sleeping off their hang over. The last thing they want to hear is “ohhh i’m almost there” or, more likely, “I usually last a little longer.” Waking people up by getting jiggy with it is a sure fire way to leave a hostel with no friends. Except the creepy guy who wouldn’t stop staring.

DO do it in the laundry room. It will be empty- especially at night. There’s really no other reason. Put a few coins in the machine for some extra fun.

DO get a room! I know you are on a budget and a private room is expensive but when there is two of your splitting the cost, it is not that bad. For a few extra dollars a night, you and your lover can have complete privacy. You can do it until you are blue in the face without having to worry about getting caught. When you are older, you’ll be glad you did.

DON’T forget to wear a condom. Because photos and memories are the only thing you want to bring home from your holiday.

So remember, if you are going to have sex in the hostel, make sure you have sex the right way- without bothering the rest of the hostel. No one wants to be jealous. And no one really wants to see your ass. It’s not pretty. In fact, when was the last time you got a tan? It’s looking a little white.

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Posted by NomadicMatt | Filed Under Travel Advice

Comments

29 Responses to “How to Have Sex in Hostels”

Taylor Davidson on October 1st, 2008 2:51 pm

This is destined to be your most-read post.

How many of these have you learned yourself?
Ron in L.A. on October 1st, 2008 2:57 pm

Ummm…. Very comprehensive Matt, very comprehensive…

R(etc… )
Anil on October 1st, 2008 3:03 pm

Positions are important too, skip the missionary and try alternative angles so you can hide your movements.

I’ve got some examples, but I don’t want to filthy up your blog!
Erica on October 1st, 2008 7:26 pm

These are some great tips - especially the roof (if you can see the stars), or the laundry room at night.
wendy-Escape NY on October 1st, 2008 10:21 pm

Looks like a very well researched post. :^)
web on October 1st, 2008 11:15 pm

Tips for getting it on in a hostel…
Stevo | China Travel on October 2nd, 2008 2:00 am

Brilliant, Matt. Absolutely brilliant.
Anna on October 2nd, 2008 2:28 am

Dear Lord.
Quickroute on October 2nd, 2008 4:27 am

Trip down memory lane - ! - did all the things you said NOT to!
Erica on October 2nd, 2008 2:25 pm

Have to add, my previous comment was not from experience - just imagination
Contest Winner, Bloggie Love, Guest Blogs and More | almostfearless.com on October 2nd, 2008 3:28 pm

[...] Matt wants us to have sex, but please don’t do it on the top bunk (or the kitchen, [...]
Lola on October 2nd, 2008 3:55 pm

Blush-inducing post! And for me, that’s not easy!
Priyank on October 2nd, 2008 4:39 pm

LOL@ top bunk
Great post Matt !
Fly Girl on October 2nd, 2008 5:18 pm

This post answered all the questions I never knew I had. Very graphic Matt!
NomadicMatt.com on Sex in Hostels - Hostel Management Forums on October 2nd, 2008 7:37 pm

[...] on Sex in Hostels Nomadic Matt wrote a backpacker’s guide to "how to have sex in hostels"… It’s a list of DOs and DON’Ts to prevent bothering other guests and management including [...]
Turner on October 2nd, 2008 9:33 pm

Going to have to disagree about not doing it in the morning.
transienttravels on October 3rd, 2008 12:43 am

very thorough
Cuckoo on October 3rd, 2008 2:14 am

Well, I came here earlier, read the post and didn’t know what to comment. And I still don’t know much. Ha Ha Ha…

I can say.. well researched post.

lol…
nicoleantoinette on October 3rd, 2008 3:38 am

Now you need to post about your bad experience with the “don’ts”
NomadicMatt on October 3rd, 2008 12:18 pm

@everyone: Glad everyone found humor in the list. It’s good advice. Whether or not this comes from experience is a secret that will remain so.

@Taylor: A gentlemen never tells!

@Erica: Sure!

@lola: don’t be shy!

@turner: why do you disagree?

@Nicole: No, I think I’ll pass!
Tanya on October 4th, 2008 12:54 pm

I’m speechless.
Shawn on October 6th, 2008 11:33 am

Sounds like some great ideas.

I added your link on my travel blog.
Interesting Tips on how to have sex at a Hostel at OnEarthTravel - A wonderful directory of Travel Blog on October 7th, 2008 12:05 am

[...] clipped from http://www.nomadicmatt.com [...]
maryam in marrakech on October 7th, 2008 8:57 am

You are hilarious!!!
NomadicMatt on October 7th, 2008 12:21 pm

I am glad everyone has gotten a smile out of this!
Heatheronhertravels on October 8th, 2008 7:13 pm

Yuk Matt, I feel sure you did this one with reader optimisation in mind! Too much information!
BRKLLN on October 10th, 2008 7:21 pm

Wow I’m glad I read this in the first week it was posted. Sad I won’t be traveling anytime soon!
Aralarda on October 11th, 2008 7:33 pm

I find having sex in hostels awful, it’s a big ethics problem… One day, all of you, sooner or later will get married and have children… Would you like your children or sisters or mothers to have sex with someones in hostels or anywhere like this ? Adultery … WHAT A PITY !
NewWrldYankee on October 13th, 2008 3:57 pm

I love that this post went up around the same time as my virginity post! Amazing timing, Matt, seriously. But isn’t a good time to do it like early afternoon, after the hangover crowd and before ppl head back to the hostel, while they are site seeing?