How to Have Sex in Hostels

There you are. Sitting across from some foreign hottie in your hostel. You’re staring deeply into each other’s eyes when you realize you are both conveying the same thought: “Let’s have sex.”

No one wants to spend a year traveling around the world and not come back with at least one story of overseas romance. Magical nights spent in exotic cities, two souls exploring the world together. Or at least one drunken night in that hostel in Europe.

Kindred spirits abound on the travel trail, and people are constantly starting and ending relationships – sometimes in the same day. So there you are, in that hostel with your new romance – what do you do? Where will you go? Well, here are some do’s and don’ts for having sex in a hostel:

DO head to the bathroom. This is a perfect place to do the nasty. You can lock the door, and the shower makes for easy cleanup. It’s also less likely someone will come in and bother you here than in a dorm room.

DON’T have sex in the common room. After a long day of sightseeing, you don’t want to come back, sit down on the couch, and think, “Ewww…why is this couch sticky?” Do us all a favor and head somewhere you won’t leave a mark…at least not one people will sit in. Try the closet where the hostel keeps cleaning supplies. No one will bother you there. I’ve walked in on people in the common room and just think, “Gross.” Plus, people hang out, eat, and drink in the common room all day. It’s probably not that clean to begin with.

DO head to the roof. Tons of hostels have rooftop terraces, and many are kept unlocked. No one is going to bother you (unless they get the same idea – maybe “the more the merrier” is a philosophy you take with you all the time?). Bump uglies under the stars all night long. It will be the most romantic time you have in a hostel.

DON’T have sex on the top bunk. You’ll shake the bed. It will creak. You’ll wake everyone up, especially your bunkmate. It’s just rude – there are other places to go. Don’t be that guy or girl!

DO drape sheets over your bed. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen sheets hanging over the bottom bunk in a dorm room. Couples think they are being coy, but we all know what is going on behind the sheets. However, your dormmates will appreciate when you hang a sheet around the bed because no one wants to see your butt bouncing up and down like a teenager thinking his parents aren’t home.

DON’T have sex in the kitchen. Seriously. I mean it. People eat there. The only white sauce I want on my pasta is made out of cheese. Hostel kitchens are dirty enough; there’s no need to make them dirtier. Additionally, there are people in a kitchen 24 hours a day so there’s little chance you’ll have privacy. Don’t have sex in the kitchen. Think of it as the hostel’s champagne room. There is no sex in the champagne room.

DO wait until people go to bed. If you wait until late at night, there’s less of a chance that people will hear you have sex in your dorm. Okay, someone will probably hear you. They might even watch; you never know. But if you wait until your dormmates put in earplugs and fall into a comfy drunk sleep, the chances of you waking someone are pretty low. Unless, of course, you’re a screamer. Then there’s no hope.

DON’T do it in the evening. This is the WORST time to have sex. People are coming in from a day of sightseeing. They’re eating dinner. Getting ready to go out. Posting pictures on Instagram. The hostel is bursting with life in the early evening. Bottom line: Unless you want to show people your bottom and possibly get kicked out in the process, wait a few hours until everyone goes out for the night (see tip below).

DO wait until people go out for the evening. When nighttime rolls around and everyone goes out to socialize, there’s no one around to bother you and your special someone while you play a quiet game of hide the sausage.

DON’T have sex in the morning. Everyone is getting up or sleeping off their hangovers. The last thing they want to hear is “Ohhh I’m almost there” or, more likely, “I usually last a little longer.” Waking people up by getting jiggy with it is a sure-fire way to leave a hostel with no friends. Except for that creepy guy who wouldn’t stop staring.

DO get it on in the laundry room. It will be empty, especially at night, so you’ll have your own private space. Put a few coins in the machine for some extra fun.

DON’T do it in a small room. If you are in a 24-person dorm, it will be easy to get away with doing it. Most people aren’t going to realize who is doing what if you’re in a huge dorm, but in a small room, it’s easy to annoy your roommates. People will figure it out, you’ll keep them up, and you’ll make enemies. I’ve stayed in 40-bed dorms where it’s hard to hear anything over the 10 people snoring like freight trains, but in that 6-bed dorm? You know who is doing what!

DO get your own room! I know you are on a budget and a private room is expensive, but when two of you split the cost of a room, it’s not so bad. For a few extra dollars a night, you and your lover can have complete privacy. You can do it until you are blue in the face without having to worry about getting caught.

DON’T forget to wear a condom. Because photos and memories are the only thing you want to bring home from your holiday.

So remember, if you are going to have sex in a hostel, make sure you have sex the right way – without bothering the rest of the hostel. No one wants to see your ass. It’s not pretty. In fact, when was the last time you got a tan? It’s looking a little white. I’ve seen some crazy stuff in hostels, but seeing you having sex is something no one wants to see! Be courteous hostel guests!

  1. Positions are important too, skip the missionary and try alternative angles so you can hide your movements.

    I’ve got some examples, but I don’t want to filthy up your blog!

  2. Cuckoo

    Well, I came here earlier, read the post and didn’t know what to comment. And I still don’t know much. Ha Ha Ha…

    I can say.. well researched post. 😉


  3. NomadicMatt

    @everyone: Glad everyone found humor in the list. It’s good advice. Whether or not this comes from experience is a secret that will remain so.

    @Taylor: A gentlemen never tells!

    @Erica: Sure! :)

    @lola: don’t be shy!

    @turner: why do you disagree?

    @Nicole: No, I think I’ll pass!

  4. Aralarda

    I find having sex in hostels awful, it’s a big ethics problem… One day, all of you, sooner or later will get married and have children… Would you like your children or sisters or mothers to have sex with someones in hostels or anywhere like this ? Adultery … WHAT A PITY !

  5. jen

    This post has been yelling at me for a while from Google (because I hadn’t bookmarked you from work!) and I was determined not to read it, but hey ho I have no willpower. My only question is….how did that girl in the 3rd picture down get those boots in her rucksack?? jen x

  6. candy

    moaning always the problem will wake people up. But its not enjoyable if cant moan loud… lol.. just get a room and can enjoy the romance sex… wy not

  7. I was on the bottom bunk THEY were on the top bunk – not a great welcome to Australia….

    Then in New Zealand, room mate had the sheet tent made up on his bottom bunk -hilarious!

  8. best thing above all is to get a private room. otherwise you will be kicked out, i had kicked out many hot couples, because they were disturbing everybody on the room

  9. Kari

    Sorry, Matt, but I have to contradict two of your rules. A tiled bathroom is an echo chamber and in the middle of the night everyone is ‘home.’ At the Mandala Hostel in Budapest, a Brazilian couple who had been fighting all day had make-up sex in the bathroom at 3 a.m. and EVERYONE heard them and EVERYONE woke up because her screams, (EVERYONE knew she was faking it!), were ECHOING ALL OVER THE MANDALA. My vote is for a supply closet with plenty of towels to muffle the sound.

  10. OMG 😀 I just remembered a story from a friend, they tried the roof, busted, the female showers, impossible, the male showers, the same, then finally the laundry room and then after 3 hours of trying, he became sober, saw the girl properly and lost the interest in her 😀

  11. wodenn

    cracked me up! guess many have been there, done that. loved the kitchen part. geez, i walked into staff doing it on the kitchen counter. but at least they closed the door and i forgot to knock…

  12. KendraE

    These are some good tips. I have a couple to add:
    Be aware that some hostels have very thin walls and floors so be mindful even if you have your own room. I had a couple keep me awake in Bolivia because the bed was pounding on the floor above me. They probably had their own room and didn’t think they were bothering anyone. But the banging was very loud, I had to catch an early flight, I’m too nice not to let someone finish and maybe even a lil jealous that it wasn’t ME getting off. lol

    If you use the sock on the door technique, remember to take it off after YOU get off. You don’t want your roomie to stay the entire night outside because you have fallen asleep. Which is what happened to a friend of mine.

  13. Tracy

    Ok I understand we all have needs, but why can’t you either take it somewhere private or at the very least keep the noise down!

    This topic takes me back to a dorm experience in Sydney, 2006 at the central YHA. So I go to sleep in a ‘female-only’ 6 bed dorm only to be rudely awoken by people coming in at some ridiculous time of the night. After deciding which bed to go for (underneath me!) the girl whispers “not without a condom” I was horrified! A moment later I hear say “OMG you’re huge”. I could tell from the other ladies tuts and sighs that the lovers were not appreciated. She was loud all through the 20 min ordeal and to add to my discomfort my bed was swaying a lot. Then they finished after another gross quote from below “its ok, come inside, I’m on the pill”.

    So, if it happens, please at least can we be quiet, quick and courteous to our fellow dorm guests?

  14. Chris Haughey

    I know this is an old one, but it’s an awesome post.

    Quite a informative one that backpackers can relate to, because let’s face it, the majority of backpackers fall into the 20-something-looking-for-a-good-time category so it’s a real topic that you’ve addressed brilliantly. I’ll be keeping some of this tips in mind for my upcoming trip! :)

  15. Seriously, grown people are writing this stuff? It all sounds like the ramblings of cub scouts afer reading a hustler forum. Grow up. It’s screwing and it’s been around forever. We didn’t invent it.

  16. james

    Once I remember me and my partner at that time (both males) where staying in a dorm. There were 4 people there including us, the others a guy and a girl. In the middle of the night, the other couple (the guy and the girl) starting with their mating process. Well, my partner and myself we didn’t think it twice and also started to have sex. As soon as the other couple hear our male moans of pleasure, they stopped suddenly and went out of the room. It was so fun haha

  17. Lal

    Ohhhhhh memories – and remembering why I now choose hostels, after sharing a room with a masterbating italian in Athens and a moaning top bunk lovefeast in NZ. Great post Matt.

  18. Adrienne Morton

    Hilarious and true and bringing back some not so great memories, Matt.
    ps- Gotta try the laundry room!
    -Adrienne Morton

  19. Leah

    Hahah I thought I was clever with the laundry room one… we were super quiet, so I was really shocked when everyone was making lewd comments about it later that night. Turns out there’s a security camera in there- the guys working there watched the whole thing. One of them later told me it was “hot”. x_x

  20. Amy

    Was in a 24 bedroom in barcelona and got woken up at three am by the loudest couple EVER… They woke literally everyone up and I was the only one who told them to shut up (which they didn’t). I think that was the most pissed off I’ve ever been. Just seeing this article title makes me annoyed again hahahah.

  21. Haha I love this. Every traveller should be made read this before they enter a hostel! I don’t mind the odd noise but if you are going to get down and dirty LEAVE THE ROOM. Or you will not have any friends in the morning!

  22. Hahahahaha! Thankfully I have never had to experience a loud couple in my dorm room and have had enough sense to take it elsewhere. Thanks for all the hilarious and informative tips.

  23. Nicole

    I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at this list…. although, the comfy hostel lounge I am on just lost some of its appeal :s

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