How to Have Sex in Hostels

By Nomadic Matt | Published October 1st, 2008

kissing and sex in a hostelThere you are. Sitting across from some foreign hottie in some foreign hostel. You stare deeply into each others eyes and realize you are both conveying the same thought: “Let’s have sex.”

No one wants to spend a year traveling around the world and not come back with at least one story of overseas romance. Magical nights spent in exotic cities – two souls exploring the world together. Or at least one drunken night in that hostel in Europe. Whatever works best for you.

Kindred spirits abound on the travel trail, and people are constantly starting and ending relationships — sometimes in the same day. So there you are then, in that hostel – what do you do? Where will you go? Well, here are some do’s and don’ts for having sex in a hostel:

DO head to the bathroom. This is a great place to do the nasty. You can lock the door, and the shower makes for easy clean-up. Well, only a little bit because you might get a little dirty while in there, but hey, comes right off!

DO head to the roof. Tons of hostels have rooftop terraces, and many are kept unlocked. No one is going to bother you (unless they get the same idea – maybe “the more the merrier” is a philosophy you take with you all the time?). Bump uglies under the stars all night long. It will be the most romantic time you have in a hostel.

sex in a hostelDON’T have sex on the top bunk. You’ll shake the bed. It will creak. You’ll wake everyone up, especially your bunk mate. It’s just rude – there are other places to go. Don’t be that guy or girl (or any combination of the two)!

DO put sheets up over the bed. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen sheets on the bottom bunk. Couples think they are being coy, but we all know what is going on – especially when the moans start. But we appreciate it when you put up a sheet because no one wants to see your white, hairy ass bouncing up and down like a teenager thinking his parents aren’t home.

DON’T have sex in the common room. After a long day of sightseeing, you don’t want to come back, sit down on the couch, and go “Ewww… why is this couch sticky?” Do us all a favor and head somewhere where you won’t leave a mark… at least not one people will sit in. Try the supply closet where the hostel keeps cleaning supplies. No one will bother you there.

DON’T have sex in the kitchen. Seriously. I mean it. People eat there. The only white sauce I want on my pasta is made out of cheese. Hostel kitchens are dirty enough; there’s no need to make them dirtier. Additionally, there are people in a kitchen 24 hours a day. I mean it. Don’t have sex in the kitchen. Think of it as the hostel’s champagne room. There is no sex in the champagne room.

DO wait until people go to bed. If you wait until late at night, there’s less of a chance people will hear you. O.K., someone will hear you. They might even watch; you never know. But if you wait until everyone puts in earplugs and falls into a nice drunk sleep, the chances of you waking someone are pretty low. Unless, of course, you’re a screamer. Then there’s no hope.

DON’T do it in the evening. This is the WORST time to have sex. People are coming in from a day of sightseeing. They’re eating dinner. Getting ready to go out. Maybe on the Internet. Bottom line: Unless you want to show people your bottom and possibly get kicked out of the hostel in the process, wait a few hours. The anticipation will make it better.

being sexy on a bed in a hostelDO wait until people go out. When nighttime rolls around and everyone goes out to socialize, there’s no one around to bother you and your special someone while you play a quiet game of who’s your daddy.

DON’T have sex in the morning. Everyone is getting up or sleeping off their hangovers. The last thing they want to hear is “Ohhh I’m almost there” or, more likely, “I usually last a little longer.” Waking people up by getting jiggy with it is a sure fire way to leave a hostel with no friends. Except that creepy guy who wouldn’t stop staring.

DO do it in the laundry room. It will be empty – especially at night. There’s really no other reason. Put a few coins in the machine for some extra fun.

DON’T do it in a small room. if you are in a 24 person dorm, it will be easy to get away with doing it. Most people aren’t going to realize who is doing what but in a small room, it’s easy to annoy your roommates. People will figure it out, you’ll keep them up, and you’ll make enemies. If you are going to break the “don’t do it in the room” rule, at least do it in a big room.

DO put a sock on the door. Or create some sort of signal. That way when your roommates come home, they will know not to enter. It’s easy, it’s polite, and it saves people from walking into the room and seeing your pasty white butt.

DO get a room! I know you are on a budget and a private room is expensive, but when there are two of you splitting the cost, it is not that bad. For a few extra dollars a night, you and your lover can have complete privacy. You can do it until you are blue in the face without having to worry about getting caught. When you are older, you’ll be glad you did.

DON’T forget to wear a condom. Because photos and memories are the only thing you want to bring home from your holiday.

So remember, if you are going to have sex in the hostel, make sure you have sex the right way – without bothering the rest of the hostel. No one wants to be jealous. And no one really wants to see your ass. It’s not pretty. In fact, when was the last time you got a tan? It’s looking a little white. I’ve seen some crazy stuff in hostels while I’ve been traveling but just make sure you having sex is something I or anyone else never sees!

comments 60 Comments

This is destined to be your most-read post.

How many of these have you learned yourself?

Positions are important too, skip the missionary and try alternative angles so you can hide your movements.

I’ve got some examples, but I don’t want to filthy up your blog!

aresh

i want to whatch this video

Ron in L.A.

Ummm…. Very comprehensive Matt, very comprehensive…

R(etc… )

These are some great tips – especially the roof (if you can see the stars), or the laundry room at night.

Looks like a very well researched post. :^)

web

Tips for getting it on in a hostel…

Brilliant, Matt. Absolutely brilliant.

Trip down memory lane – ! – did all the things you said NOT to!

Have to add, my previous comment was not from experience – just imagination :)

Blush-inducing post! And for me, that’s not easy!

LOL@ top bunk ;-)
Great post Matt !

This post answered all the questions I never knew I had. Very graphic Matt!

Going to have to disagree about not doing it in the morning.

David

Eye-opening post with some great ideas. Thanks Matt!

Now you need to post about your bad experience with the “don’ts”

:)

Cuckoo

Well, I came here earlier, read the post and didn’t know what to comment. And I still don’t know much. Ha Ha Ha…

I can say.. well researched post. ;)

lol…

NomadicMatt

@everyone: Glad everyone found humor in the list. It’s good advice. Whether or not this comes from experience is a secret that will remain so.

@Taylor: A gentlemen never tells!

@Erica: Sure! :)

@lola: don’t be shy!

@turner: why do you disagree?

@Nicole: No, I think I’ll pass!

Sounds like some great ideas.

I added your link on my travel blog.

NomadicMatt

I am glad everyone has gotten a smile out of this!

Yuk Matt, I feel sure you did this one with reader optimisation in mind! Too much information!

BRKLLN

Wow I’m glad I read this in the first week it was posted. Sad I won’t be traveling anytime soon!

Aralarda

I find having sex in hostels awful, it’s a big ethics problem… One day, all of you, sooner or later will get married and have children… Would you like your children or sisters or mothers to have sex with someones in hostels or anywhere like this ? Adultery … WHAT A PITY !

NewWrldYankee

I love that this post went up around the same time as my virginity post! Amazing timing, Matt, seriously. But isn’t a good time to do it like early afternoon, after the hangover crowd and before ppl head back to the hostel, while they are site seeing?

Very interesting tips, Matt….thanks for sharing :-)

jen

This post has been yelling at me for a while from Google (because I hadn’t bookmarked you from work!) and I was determined not to read it, but hey ho I have no willpower. My only question is….how did that girl in the 3rd picture down get those boots in her rucksack?? jen x

Fantastic post! Laundry rooms are my favourites. :-)

Hilarious! Love the honesty and guess it drew from your extensive research, heh? :)

candy

moaning always the problem will wake people up. But its not enjoyable if cant moan loud… lol.. just get a room and can enjoy the romance sex… wy not

People forget some hostels have nature around. Do IT outside.

I was on the bottom bunk THEY were on the top bunk – not a great welcome to Australia….

Then in New Zealand, room mate had the sheet tent made up on his bottom bunk -hilarious!

best thing above all is to get a private room. otherwise you will be kicked out, i had kicked out many hot couples, because they were disturbing everybody on the room

Brooklyn Kari

Sorry, Matt, but I have to contradict two of your rules. A tiled bathroom is an echo chamber and in the middle of the night everyone is ‘home.’ At the Mandala Hostel in Budapest, a Brazilian couple who had been fighting all day had make-up sex in the bathroom at 3 a.m. and EVERYONE heard them and EVERYONE woke up because her screams, (EVERYONE knew she was faking it!), were ECHOING ALL OVER THE MANDALA. My vote is for a supply closet with plenty of towels to muffle the sound.

co-ckaigne

I prefer to do it with my lovely hand. ha-ha!

The list is awesome, but sadly, I think that the sock on the door signal is not universal. It should be :D

OMG :D I just remembered a story from a friend, they tried the roof, busted, the female showers, impossible, the male showers, the same, then finally the laundry room and then after 3 hours of trying, he became sober, saw the girl properly and lost the interest in her :D

wodenn

cracked me up! guess many have been there, done that. loved the kitchen part. geez, i walked into staff doing it on the kitchen counter. but at least they closed the door and i forgot to knock…

KendraE

These are some good tips. I have a couple to add:
Be aware that some hostels have very thin walls and floors so be mindful even if you have your own room. I had a couple keep me awake in Bolivia because the bed was pounding on the floor above me. They probably had their own room and didn’t think they were bothering anyone. But the banging was very loud, I had to catch an early flight, I’m too nice not to let someone finish and maybe even a lil jealous that it wasn’t ME getting off. lol

If you use the sock on the door technique, remember to take it off after YOU get off. You don’t want your roomie to stay the entire night outside because you have fallen asleep. Which is what happened to a friend of mine.

Tracy

Ok I understand we all have needs, but why can’t you either take it somewhere private or at the very least keep the noise down!

This topic takes me back to a dorm experience in Sydney, 2006 at the central YHA. So I go to sleep in a ‘female-only’ 6 bed dorm only to be rudely awoken by people coming in at some ridiculous time of the night. After deciding which bed to go for (underneath me!) the girl whispers “not without a condom” I was horrified! A moment later I hear say “OMG you’re huge”. I could tell from the other ladies tuts and sighs that the lovers were not appreciated. She was loud all through the 20 min ordeal and to add to my discomfort my bed was swaying a lot. Then they finished after another gross quote from below “its ok, come inside, I’m on the pill”.

So, if it happens, please at least can we be quiet, quick and courteous to our fellow dorm guests?

NomadicMatt

Wow….that was a lot of information right there.

Chris Haughey

I know this is an old one, but it’s an awesome post.

Quite a informative one that backpackers can relate to, because let’s face it, the majority of backpackers fall into the 20-something-looking-for-a-good-time category so it’s a real topic that you’ve addressed brilliantly. I’ll be keeping some of this tips in mind for my upcoming trip! :)

Seriously, grown people are writing this stuff? It all sounds like the ramblings of cub scouts afer reading a hustler forum. Grow up. It’s screwing and it’s been around forever. We didn’t invent it.

james

Once I remember me and my partner at that time (both males) where staying in a dorm. There were 4 people there including us, the others a guy and a girl. In the middle of the night, the other couple (the guy and the girl) starting with their mating process. Well, my partner and myself we didn’t think it twice and also started to have sex. As soon as the other couple hear our male moans of pleasure, they stopped suddenly and went out of the room. It was so fun haha

Lisa

Why is the assumption that the persons ass will be WHITE and pasty?

NomadicMatt

It was just a joke. White and pasty = funny. Don’t be so serious!

Ang

Never ceases to amaze me the stories you come across on this site!!!

Lal

Ohhhhhh memories – and remembering why I now choose hostels, after sharing a room with a masterbating italian in Athens and a moaning top bunk lovefeast in NZ. Great post Matt.

Adrienne Morton

Hilarious and true and bringing back some not so great memories, Matt.
ps- Gotta try the laundry room!
-Adrienne Morton

I wish more people would abide by these ‘unwritten rules’. And definitely don’t be a screamer….

Ah, this post brings back memories of Scotland for me. ;-) I sort of failed at some of this advice back in my wild youthful days…

NomadicMatt

Ohh, really? Well, some interesting stories I bet.

Leah

Hahah I thought I was clever with the laundry room one… we were super quiet, so I was really shocked when everyone was making lewd comments about it later that night. Turns out there’s a security camera in there- the guys working there watched the whole thing. One of them later told me it was “hot”. x_x

I’ve never been to a hostel with a rooftop, so bathrooms really come in useful! Not that I’d tried it :D

In an ideal world, I think getting a dorm bed to meet people and a hotel room for sex is ideal. This is flashpacking at it’s best!

Zubie

Wow makes me want to be single and traveling again.

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