Posted: 10/14/2014 | October 14th, 2014
On the second Wednesday of the month, Kristin Addis from Be My Travel Muse writes a guest column featuring tips and advice on solo female travel. It’s not a topic I can cover and since there are a lot of solo female travelers out there, I felt it was important to bring in an expert. In this month’s column, Kristin uses her own personal experiences to shed light on why it’s different traveling as a solo female rather than with a group or as a solo male.
My male friends who travel have been invited into the homes of locals for meals just as often as I have. They’ve enjoyed the same far-fetched and heart-warming experiences that I have. We come home with many of the same engaging stories. We both have the same-sized backpacks. We both have family members and friends at home who worry about us. We face the same daily challenges as travelers.
In many ways, we aren’t so different.
So why do people make such a big deal out of solo female travel?
Because, like it or not, women and men do have different concerns when it comes to traveling, especially when alone.
As a solo woman I often lack the freedom to travel without locals. In many cultures, females don’t have the kind of autonomy we have in the West, and it can be both worrying and confusing to see me by myself. At 28, I’m already quite ancient for a single woman in many of the countries I’ve traveled to.
In Borneo, a woman came up to me while her husband fixed my flat motorbike tire. “Sister,” she said, “you’re alone? You have no brother, no husband?” While her concern was genuine and appreciated, I get asked this a lot. Surely I have a husband somewhere. Don’t I at least have a boyfriend? Where are my children? What in the heck do I think I am doing?!
I found that answering, “I actually find being single to be quite liberating!” or “Well, I don’t really want any children” just results in more horrified looks, so I usually just told them that my husband or boyfriend is “at home” or “on his way.”
While men and women both have to worry about personal safety while traveling, there are a few things that can happen that tend to exclusively target females. For example, I was groped in the dark while walking along a dirt road in an area that was known as “safe” in Nepal just after sunset. Even if I had been holding pepper spray it wouldn’t have mattered, since he was so swift I never even saw his face or had a moment to react. When I told a police officer, his first question was to ask me what I was doing alone.
Even after a year and a half of traveling solo, it made me angry at first, but it reminded me that yes, I am different from a male traveler. I can’t just walk around at night alone without considering the sobering possibility of sexual assault. While this is a concern even at home, female travelers have to be even more vigilant in foreign countries.
Moreover, it’s also essential to dress differently. Although this seems like a no-brainer, it’s a common mistake. I once stepped out of a hotel room in Sumatra, Indonesia, without enough covering on my arms. It seemed like every male in the street stopped what he was doing to yell or make gestures at me. It was so chilling, I retreated back to my hotel and didn’t leave for the next three days. You have to always be conscious of how you dress when you’re a female traveler. That can be mentally taxing.
Unfortunately, women have to consider these things when we travel alone. In some countries, we can’t dress how we want, be seen alone, or venture out at night without a posse. It can be socially unacceptable at best and downright dangerous at worst.
Does this mean that women shouldn’t travel alone? Of course not! It simply means that there are a few extra precautions that we have to take in order to ensure our safety.
Modern psychologists argue that women have powerful intuition and a heightened ability to read nonverbal communication cues. Our gut instinct and intuition are almost always right. Listen to them.
(It’s also important to remember that the world outside can often be much safer than back home. I’m from Los Angeles, where gun crime, robberies, and violence are common. I wouldn’t walk around alone at night there even though it’s where I grew up. I don’t want to come off as stereotyping the world as a scary place.)
Men who travel alone do also have concerns, but we women have to worry about safety a bit more, have to defend our alternative life choices slightly more vigorously, and must be assertive and dominant in cultures where that may be uncommon. This is why we make such a big deal out of solo female travel and this is why I write this column — to give you advice on how to make your trips better and safer.
By taking the right precautions, doing some research into customs and safety before visiting foreign countries, and going with your gut instincts, solo traveling can be safe, enjoyable, and incredibly rewarding In future blogs, I’ll talk more about the positive character building, cultivation of fearlessness, and personal growth that solo travelers experience.
Solo traveling doesn’t have to be dangerous or scary, it just requires the right amount of preparation and alertness.
Kristin Addis is a solo female travel expert who inspires women to travel the world in an authentic and adventurous way. A former investment banker who sold all of her belongings and left California in 2012, Kristin has solo traveled the world for over four years, covering every continent (except for Antarctica, but it’s on her list). There’s almost nothing she won’t try and almost nowhere she won’t explore. You can find more of her musings at Be My Travel Muse or on Instagram and Facebook.
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Annasito
I agree with everything in the article but you skipped all the benefits of being a solo female traveler: less hassle with the officials on the borders etc (smile helps!), feeling looked after by the people you meet on the way, people tend to trust women. And of course opportunity to talk to local women and getting to know their world.
Mada Magdalena Sienkiewicz
I can’t wait for your articles 🙂 I am traveling mostly on my own. so waiting for your tips.
Charlie
I agree with every word here. Women do have to be a more careful when it comes to their safety when travelling, well, actually even at home. As women travelling solo, we are seen as targets more often than men. That’s not to say that men don’t need to be concerned with their safety either, but there’s less they have to consider, nor do they stick out so much when alone. But Annasito is right here. There’s also lots of benefits to being a woman when travelling. You should definitely do a post on them too!
Julie
I look forward to the articles. There are many advantages travelling as a solo woman. However I do agree with the comments on ‘being alone’ and the looks of pity and concern! In Eastern Europe where I travelled by myself for 5 months I was constantly asked by other woman “Where is your man?” I am writing a travel memoir and have decided to have that as the title as I was asked so many times. Many, many women cannot understand why we would want to travel by ourselves. I am in my fifties and found it to be the most liberating thing I have done. Thanks for covering this topic I look forward to the next post!
Gloria
Coming from Asia myself, I do feel that this is one of those things that become far more obvious/ conscious when a woman chooses to travel in developing countries. I’ve done countless number of trips in Europe by myself and never had to worry or be conscious about things like dress codes or timing of when I should not be walking alone, but find myself thinking about it a lot more when I am travelling around Asia.
It IS different to be travelling as a solo female. You become a bit more apprehensive about things like couch surfing, or even staying in an apartment by yourself. But like some others have said, there are liberating aspects to it as well.
(Unfortunately) I’ve found that travelling with a fake wedding band tends to stop a lot of men from taking action/ going any further. There still exists a world where once you’re seen as ‘taken’ people accord far more respect to you.
Looking forward to more tips and articles!
Rachel
Hey Kristin! I’m now following your column here as well as your blog. So glad I discovered your writing. I totally agree. If I wouldn’t walk around in a lot of cities in North Carolina (including my own) alone after dark, why would I risk it in a foreign country? As a female, I take the same precautions everywhere. Sticking around crowds, well-lit areas, and maybe some pepper spray. Also, your point about intuition is very true. If it feels sketchy, it probably is.
Kristin Addis
Happy to have your readership, Rachel! Definitely always go with your gut and most of the time, you’ll be right.
Alin Makardian
Hi Kristin! I’ve recently found your blog and follow your fb and reading all your stories has really inspired me to travel solo. Ive traveled to different countries before as well but never alone. Ive always been with a group of people. But i do see your point on dressing to the customs of the country you are in. in a way also brings the spirit of their culture to you.
Orchid
Hi!! This is such a great article and I’m lookong forward to your future posts. I’m also a female solo traveler and I definitely agree that while we do have to be more concerned about safety, that doesn’t mean that traveling solo isn’t worthwhile. A lot of friends/family worry about me but it’s one of the most fulfilling experiences that I’ve ever had!
Kristin Addis
Same for me. It’s been huge for building my problem solving skills and has made me largely fearless.
Marie
Hi, I completely agree with this article! It really sucks that women can’t go out at night.I think as a women I don’t have all the same rights as a man. I agree, as well that I wouldn’t walk around at night in my home country. Thanks, for the article!
Kathryn
I dunno. I sometimes think articles about solo female travel, even if positive, reinforce that women need to fear for their safety. Most of the travel horror stories I’ve heard about travel safety have happened to guys. Maybe that’s because women tend to think about their safety more in the first place.
TBH, my main concern as a female traveller is always ‘where do I buy tampons?’
Kristin Addis
Diva cup!
Flavia Lozano
Being a young woman and living by myself in a foreign country, I’ve learned the hard way that, unfortunately, we still have to take care of ourselves in a different way that men do. Not because we’re the weak sex or because we need someone to take care of us, but because people still see us as an easy target, and because we attract sexual assaults, besides the fact that some places have different beliefs.
It’s great to see that these difficulties don’t stop us, though. I believe things will change, and, until then, we just have to naturally be aware of where we are and how to be safe. Really liked your post.
Sonja
Interesting article! I do mostly agree with your points of view. I traveled as a solo-female mostly through South America. I was blessed with all the experiences I have made. Families and elder women often asked me: “where is you husband?”. There was no husband or boyfriend, so they invited me to their homes and to be part of their families. They took care of me… My best experiences with the “locals”.
Katie
When I backpacked as a solo female traveler, most of the time I was SO happy to be alone (liberation!) but there were a few select times when I would have given a lot to have a male travel companion with me. I pretty much always came back after dinner, before actual darkness set in no matter where I went. That’s when staying at hostels with bars inside of them came in really handy!! I could still hang out at the bar, drink a pint or two, and then at the end of the night, just walk upstairs to my room! Hostel bars can be so fun, too.
Cassandra
I’ve experienced everything you’ve mentioned here as a solo female traveler (even being groped in Nepal – which is a little ironic!). I do have to point out one positive I noticed however – during parts of my journeys where I did travel with males, they often got stopped/searched/questioned by local police, whether they appeared to be doing/acting suspicious or not. I never did, nor did any of my female friends. Women just are not seen as a threat in certain countries so we are largely ignored. In Nepal the men pass around the tip that if they get questioned about drugs or drinking while in Nepal, they can “pay off” the officers and they will leave you alone – however it has backfired and is now happening more and more be sketchy officers, but again only to males it seems. I also tend to pay less in countries like Nepal for the same items my male friends inquire about – no flirting or anything involved, it is just something that happens. So, I do think there are both negatives/positives to being male or female when traveling solo.
Jay
I was apprehensive about traveling solo in India. After having experienced two incidents of harassment in South East Asia, I made it a point to never go anywhere without my pepper spray. However, turned out it is a country like any other, where safety is concerned. I did learn that while some people seem friendly and trustworthy, they might have ulterior motives. For example, in India, I met two men who helped me find a guest house and they seemed really nice. On the way, one of them said to the other if they are nice to me, they might have a “chance”. Plus some other things that I cannot write here (I am from Nepal and I understand Hindi). However, I do believe that there are good people and not- so- good people everywhere.
When I travel in Nepal, I am usually met with surprise and curiosity because single women my age are supposed to settle down and not go off gallivanting on their own (it is not rude to rude to ask a woman´s age and marital status in Nepal). To avoid being interrogated, I usually tell people that my husband is traveling and I am on my way to meet him. I have also realized that men leave me alone after I tell them I am married.
“Solo traveling doesn’t have to be dangerous or scary, it just requires the right amount of preparation and alertness.” I totaly agree but I think it is also important to research, understand and respect the culture of the country beforehand. I once saw a woman walking on the streets of Pokhara (Nepal) clad in a Bikini (her cover- up didnt do much covering up). A middle aged woman who was walking behind me shrieked and started ranting about how tourism is ruining our culture. I am sure she didn’t mean to offend anyone but just lacked the understanding of the culture. I value personal freedom but I think it is important not to create uncomfortable situations for the local people.
Geri
I’m not a solo traveler and I don’t like to travel alone (for now 😉 )but I did some researches for my Bachelor and MBA degrees and found huge gap between the man’s and women’s travel motivations and patterns. It is good that now the business start to realize that and provide some specially designed products and services for female travelers and tourists. But we are waaay too far from the real potential and deeper satisfaction of the needs of the female traveler, don’t you think? Providing safety is and should be the first and foremost care of all tourist places and destinations trying to attract females.
Dana
When I was in Mexico taking classes, there was some construction in the street, so pedestrians had to pick a path through the rubble while the workers waited to continue. I usually wore jeans on the way to class, but one morning, I wore a skirt, a long skirt, down to my ankles. This was the day the construction workers whistled at me and called “Hola, guera!” I went back to my room during lunch and changed, and wasn’t whistled at again.
Women travelers have these stories. Women who DON’T travel alone have these stories from their own hometowns. I want the world at large to change so I don’t have to carry my keys between my fingers or have emergency dialed up on my phone or think about wearing rohypnol detecting nail polish, because I want men to know that no one is entitled to anything from us, willingly, coerced, or forced. Until then, we have our fake husbands and stabby kitten keychains.
Jessica Festa
Great post, Kristin. I can definitely relate to a lot of this (I’m currently in Bhutan solo but with a guide), especially the ‘groped in the dark’ part (sadly). I was staying at a budget hotel in Ecuador and when I went down to the lobby to get water at around 11pm the security guard on staff pushed me against the wall and put his hands down my pants. Luckily I had befriended another male traveler in the hotel, went to his room crying and he went downstairs to straighten this guy out. It was a mess. The hotel owner came down and in the end the security guard was, thankfully, fired. Crappy situation, but that was 3 years ago and still traveling solo strong! 🙂
Neha Sharma
Every couple of months I get an email from someone who wants to travel, but their boyfriend does not. This should not hold you back. I know quite a few women who travel without their significant others. Many people enjoy the clarity that travelling alone gives them and come back to their relationships feeling refreshed.