Last Updated: 11/29/18 | November 29th, 2018
I have a confession to make: I have a huge fear of flying. I hate it. It scares the living shit out of me. This is how my typical airport experience goes:
Before the flight: “I can’t wait to get on a plane and relax and watch some movies. This is going to be great!”
During take off: “Why are we turning like this? Are we rolling over!? I don’t like this. Get me off!”
During the flight as I watch a movie or do work: “I can’t believe we’re flying. Science is amazing. I have wi-fi in the sky!! Look at all the pretty clouds!”
During turbulence: “What was that sound? Are we supposed to turn like that? Why is this so bumpy?!That was a big drop! What’s wrong? We’re all gonna die!!! Ahhhh!!!”
During landing: “Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. It’s going to be O.K. Breathe.”
After the flight: “I love flying. Let’s go do it again!”
Flying gives me a lot of anxiety. I white-knuckle grip the armrest at least half the flight! And I’m not alone: about 25% of people are afraid of flying.
For me, it’s because I’m scared of heights…or, more specifically, falling. I don’t like bungee jumps, being near ledges, or even looking down from a tall building. It sets my heart racing and gives me slight vertigo.
Heck, sometimes on high bridges, I need to walk on the inside of the sidewalk and look down at the ground to get across.
And even though statistically, flying is one of the safest modes of transportation (there is a one in 11 million chance of dying in a plane crash, but one in 5,000 in a car), I don’t have a similar reaction when I’m driving. I feel safe because I’m in control.
“I’m driving, I’m great — it’s everyone else I need to watch out for,” I (and most people) think.
However, when we are in a plane, it’s all up to two strangers we’ve never met in the front of an aluminum tube going 500 miles an hour 37,000 feet above the air.
On a rational level, I know I’m going to make it to my destination. According to MIT scientists, I could fly everyday an average for 123,000 years before dying in a plane crash. But the lost sense of control freaks me out. I mean, who are these pilots? Did they get enough sleep the night before? Are they sane? Are they experienced enough to know what to do in an emergency?
I recently sat on a flight next to a guy who provided counseling for pilots and flight attendants with substance abuse problems. On the one hand, I was comforted by the fact the FAA has stringent rules (sadly, not many other countries do) related to the issue. On the other, I was disturbed by how much of a problem he told me this was in the industry.
There I am 37,000 feet above the ground with my fate in the hands of two strangers. It combines my two biggest fears. I mean, what if we go down? You have twenty or thirty seconds of sheer terrifying falling as you realize THIS IS IT! (Having experienced a rapid descent once, I can tell you it’s not fun.)
I basically look like Kristin Wiig from Bridesmaids when I’m in the sky:
But I fly around 100,000 miles a year, so I have to learn how to deal with my fear. Flying is part of my job, and gets me to where I want to go the most efficient way — and I want to go a lot of places.
So I’ve learned three tricks to help get over the fear of flying (or, at the least, reduce the anxiety):
- Fake it — As the saying goes, fake it until you make it. When I’m flying, I like to imagine myself as a normal person. What would a person who isn’t afraid of flying do right now? They would sit there, read the in-flight magazine or sleep, and be calm. They would tune it out. So I turn my headphones on, take a deep breath, and read a book or focus on a movie. I tune out my fear and pretend it doesn’t exist. I distract my mind and have it focus on something else. This trick works wonders and by the time I tune back in, we’re at cruising altitude and the anxiety is gone!
- Recite the facts — I like to recite facts about airline safety to reassure myself that planes are safe and I’m going to be fine. I’m always repeating to myself things like “Planes are safe, planes are safe. They have strict safety rules.” or “Turbulence doesn’t cause plane crashes; it’s just changes in airflow.” or “Cars are far more dangerous.” Use your rational mind to realize how silly the fear is and how there’s no reason for you to be afraid. The fact that we as a society make a big deal out of airplane crashes is because they are so rare.
- Drink — When I can’t fake it or my rational mind isn’t working, I drink to calm my nerves. It works wonders. On long flights, it’s me, those mini-bottles of wine (or an Ambien), and sleep until my destination. Sometimes just taking the edge off is the only way to deal with it.
It wasn’t always this way — I used to love roller coasters, heights, flying, and wasn’t afraid of falling off a bridge – but something changed over the last few years.
Now, I look down from the plane and think, “We’re far up. We’re screwed. Someone get me a glass of wine!”
So, while I might never get over my fear of flying, I can manage it and not let it control me.
After a few deep breaths, some wine, realizing there are safety standards in place and zoning out on the latest Hunger Games, I calm down, enjoy the flight, and marvel at the science that gets me halfway around the world in fifteen hours.
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Kate
Great post! I find the more I fly, the more terrified I am during takeoff and landing. I know it’s completely irrational, but I can’t help but feel nervous. So great to know I’m not the only one 🙂
Charlotte
Omg my anxiety is so bad and I’m trying to educate myself before the flight I’m going on in a few weeks. I’m only 12 and I’m going alone so I’m not gonna have someone to comfort me if I panic. You’re not alone!
Ruby
Tell the person next to you that you are afraid. It’s easier when you’re not going through it by yourself. That person will be happy to support you!
Amelia
This is a great thing to do. Yo will be surprised how wonderful people are. I can’t even explain how deathly afraid I am of flying, but I had to go alone last year and I was very upfront with everyone I sat next to and all of them helped me through it.
Barb
I have actually began to do this just so I don’t piss off my neighbor with my fright spasms. People are so understanding and supportive.
Scarlett
I get anxiety a lot and this really helped me. Sometimes I’m so nervous I’m sick before the flight!
Sonya
We are supposed to fly to Mexico in 2 was and so far I’ve cancelled my hotel reservations because I’m having such bad anxiety. Our plane tickets are non-refundable, so if I can get over this fear we may be able to go. Any suggestions besides what has been posted? Help!!!
Ang
I feel you. My anxiety is really, really bad. Just thinking about it I get nervous and start crying. My wife and I booked tickets to Iceland for July. I want to go so bad. It would be the trip of a lifetime. But, as with you, we might not because my anxiety is so, so bad. Our tickets are non-refundable as well.
tailnder
Flying is something beautiful, getting up in the skies getting to see the glory , the amazingness of what God has created. Idk if this helps but when you fly you are away from all those problems happening down here. You are safe from any kind of natural disasters, terrorist attacks etc., Just imagine as if clouds are your new home. Enjoy the beauty. Landings are so comforting , just touching the ground and its amazing how the plane lifts off against the wind during takeoff. You can beat your fear like that too. and it is only you who can beat it. Just be positive and excited because in my opinion flying is the best part of the trip. I would refer you to do planespotting and try becoming an avgeek. Learn how planes fly, go to airports and experience and look at them flying. Planes are amazingly beautiful. Trust me aviation is something that if you ever get addicted to you cant leave. Hope this helped 🙂
Calvin
I’m 13 and flying tomorrow so I can’t exactly drink. I have tried everything and I would feel better, but as soon as I’m at the airport I have a panic attack. I am obsessed with planes and have a planespotting youtube channel. IDK why but it just doesn’t help!
grace
I’m 13 and in a couple of months im riding on a plane for the first time ever and not only that, im riding without my parents! Im extremly afraid of hights but i have to go on plane ince its my class trip so i cant bail. Im excited but ive already broke down in panic attacks since im so scared. I have a fear of, planes ( flying over me also), falling, and hights so i guess i just kinda have to get over it 🙁
Gabriella
Hi Grace,
I’m 11 and I suffer from anxiety too. I went on a plane 1 year ago and i’m going on one in a few days. I have had exactly what you described. I feel so anxious I am finding it hard to sleep at night.
Once I got on the plane I took a deep breath and thought of my excitment from the day before. Relax while you’re on the plane listen to music watch a movie have fun.
I hope I have given you strength and help.
From Gabriella ???
Bob Merrick
There are a lot of people who fear flying but do it anyway. I always loved flying but I have taken flying lessons which helps because you then are familiar with the operation of the aircraft. Just like you do when you travel by car. You don’t fear riding in a car. This is because you are more familiar with its operation. ?
Michelle
Um, no. I do fear riding in a car, every bit as much. I only “enjoy” it when I’m the driver. It’s hugely a control thing. So many people drive unsafely. My biggest pet peeve is following too closely, & too many people do it. I’m a nurse and have taken care of some horrific crash victims. Of course, it can happen while I’m driving, however I feel more in control while driving! I am a defensive driver and always am looking at the what is around me, aware of escape routes, distances to other vehicles etc.
I do not enjoy being a “rider” in any mode of transportation!
JennyCee
I was ok with all forms of transport until a silly girl with ear phones on walked straight in front of my car – a 10ft bright red thing!!!!!. As I was only doing about 10 -15 mph, she wasn’t too badly hurt, but it’s been hell for my travelling. I have no car now, if a bus driver is driving too fast or erratic, I get off, I hate being a passenger if I can’t see the road, and air travel just doesn’t
even do it for me,as my family is approx 8,000 – 10,000 miles away.
20 – 24 hours of sheer hell, but I have to do it. A hypnotist is the next hopeful cure for me.
MIndy
I feel the same way when I fly. I am anxious beforehand too though. In the past I have taken an anti anxiety pill. I have noticed in the last year that I don’t really need the pill anymore. I am still anxious but I am better able to manage it. I recite facts that I know about flying, when I hear a weird noise or the plane moves in a way I don’t like, I check out the flight attendants faces for any worry or stress. I almost always have a cocktail or wine. Taking the edge off helps a ton. I know so many people that are crippled by their fear. I am not going to be one of them!
Austin
My name is Austin I am 14 years old. I have a fear of flying. Whenever I step foot into an airport I think I am getting a ticket to my death. I know it sounds bad but that is how I feel. I am going to try to do some exercises but I always have that little thought in my head saying that something is going to go wrong. Thank you for this information and If someone could give me any other tips I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks!!
Ahn
I feel the same way and my flight is tomorrow and I’m feeling so anxious, I’m trying not to think about it by listening to music and trying to calm down, listening to happy music helps me a lot because it helps me focus on the good things in life and not to be worried a lot 🙂 hopefully I manage to get over my fear of flying and fear of heights 🙁
Cynthia
OH MAN this is so me. I just took 4 flights in the last 15 days, and let me just say that wasn’t NOT stressful as hell. (I swear Ryanair’s signature colors– bright yellow?!– are made to induce stress) The things that help me: looking to the calm and assured cabin crew who actually choose to ride on planes FOR A LIVING. Also, sitting by the window (preferably wing) to watch the plane’s every move and know that everything is alright out there 🙂
NomadicMatt
If the cabin crew isn’t freaked out, you don’t need to be. That’s how I get by.
Laurie
I agree with you, Matt! And once in a while when they do have that concerned look as they are strapped into their seats (saw this on my first flight overseas NY to Venice). Then what? (Another Xanax ASAP!!!) I hate flying so much, and I chuckled as I read through your “confession” because that is me! But we do it because it is usually the quickest way to get from Point A to Point B. On the other hand, my max flying time is 7-8 hrs.; there’s just so much stress I can take at one time! And I won’t fly alone. It took me 20 years to get back on a plane, and I finally did it because I felt so guilty about depriving my husband of traveling! And I am so happy once those wheels touch down on the ground!!!!
Leanne Cahill
Me too
Tregan
I have a fear of flying too, I wish there was something that I could do to eliminate the stress. I fly because my family.
Ellen
Thats exactly me
Clarissa Hirst
I really resonate with this article. Although I was not afraid of flying as a child, it seems as though the more often I fly as an adult the more afraid I become! And I fly quite often…I have visited 42 countries so far and earlier this year I flew twice a week between Sweden and Poland over a three month period.
On very turbulent flights I can sit with my stomach and fists clenched for hours. I find that I am much calmer when I have a travelling companion compared to when I am flying solo.
I have tried alcohol but it only makes me sleepy and sometimes a bit sick when I disembark the plane. Your tips #1 and #2 I have found useful, and I have another one: look at the crew. If they are smiling and appear calm, then it makes me calmer as well. If the plane was really going to go down, then the crew would surely look a little anxious. It helps me in any case!
A fear of flying is irrational but it is so persistent, and it is good to know that someone else out there – and a frequent flyer at that – also suffers from anxiety in the air!
A good read, thanks 🙂
Jordan Vigay
The only problem with checking if the crew are calm though, is if they are looking at all not-calm, I’m gonna freak out lol
Shannon
I resonate with this so much! I’ve always LOVED flying, but for the past year, I’ve been incredibly anxious every single time. I fly fairly often, so it’s not ideal!
I tend to look to the crew and see if they’re nervous at all or not. I’ve only been on 2 flights where the crew looked nervous, so that does help a lot.
Also, on a somewhat recent flight, a middle-aged man made a comment to an elderly woman that she was “his rock” on the flight because she wasn’t so calm. Her response? “Well, I’ve lived a good life and there’s nothing I can do from up there anyway!” So, maybe there’s some hope for us as we age that we won’t have anxiety anymore! ?
Izy Berry
Great article it makes me smile!! But i have to said i dont have this problem i love to fly i actually when i walk into a plane the only thing i am thinking is that i want to be in the other place the as soon as possible and then i fall sleep.
Pandu
i want to be you.
rob
I’ve never understood fear of flying. It’s VASTLY more dangerous driving to the airport than sitting in an airplane. An airplane that has a huge amount of technology in it to make sure you get where you’re going alive. Not to mention a pilot that does his thing every day. You’re more at risk taking a shower.
My biggest problem on airplanes is staying awake until takeoff so I don’t feel like I’m being rude to the flight attendants doing their “seatbelt & exit door” show.
NomadicMatt
Fear is an irrational thing. I don’t get it either.
Angie
I havent flown in 17 years i am taking my first flight in July, only a 2.5 hour flight but I am still very much afraid, your tips and the comments from others have been helpful, when I drive my car I have no fear, gosh I dont even mind being a passenger but being 35-37k feet in the air and having no control scares the daylights out of me, I am very claustrophobic as well, I will not go into an elevator alone!
Christy
I came across this blog and it made me laugh but I am still terrified. Your comment about being claustrophobic caught my attention. I have a debilitating elevator phobia. I haven’t flown since 2010. How was your claustrophobia on your latest flight? Any advice to offer??
Atlas
Hi Christy… I had a terrible aversion to elevators too… not from claustrophobia but the fear of plummeting to my doom! Probably the result of too many action movies in the 80s growing up! I researched elevators and accidents/deaths… it is statistically the safest mode of transport ever invented with not ONE single death related to an elevator crash! The only people that die are the poor maintenance works in falls etc… so next time you are in one console yourself with the thought that you have a ZERO chance of doom!
Michelle
Often when people don’t understand other people’s fear, it’s because they have little or no empathy…. Instead of having an imagination (and appreciation) as to why others experience things, they instead frame the world from their paradigm & anything else seems ridiculous. Flexing the empathy capabilities will help you understand others viewpoints and experiences much better. The side benefit is less alienation and more connection to your fellow human-beings.
I would hate to tell my coworker (whose son died in a plane crash in his early 20’s) that the risk of dying in a shower is higher. It’s not.
Is the risk of dying in a plane crash low? yes. However, if you fall in your shower, you likely won’t die…it’s possible, but unlikely.
Jo
Thank you for that comment Michelle. I hate the fact that anyone can say ANY fear is irrational. While I understand that breathing and reminding oneself of safety procedures, may help some people, it does NOTHING at all to help me. Fear is something we feel and it’s pretty involuntary. No one wants to feel fear. Some people are scared of spiders, spiders in the UK cannot kill you, yet people are frightened of them.
I am currently sitting in manchestee airport; I should be in the sky right now, travelling to Spain for my sisters hen do with 11 of our friends. Instead, I sat on that plane, on my seat and I chose to get off the plane. I don’t regret it 1% because, to me, I was in danger. My natural, fight or flight, told me to remove myself from the situation as the torture I feel when flying simply isn’t worth it. I honestly, hand on heart don’t believe that anyone who can sleep, enjoy a movie, read etc has a phobia of flying. I cannot even mutter one word to someone and my heart pounds in my chest, palms sweat and I cry uncontrollably for the whole flight- that is Phobia. That is NOT irrational
Sean
Finally. Somebody who posts how I feel about flying. I’m reading through this website to find some ease in flying, but I can’t find it. I have to fly back in a week, I’m on vacation, and I don’t think that I can do it. Nothin in the world can make me feel the way that flying does. I don’t want to spend another 4 hours embarrassing myself and expecting to crash drowning in my own tears. I don’t care if people do not understand, it is how I feel and nobody can convince me not to feel that way.
Angie
I feel the exact same way you do Sean!
Sheri
I feel the same way and do the same things when flying. I think a few movies and shows on tv with plane crashes did it to me. Final Destination and Cast Away are two good examples. I also found myself watching a show on what happens inside the cabin when a plane crashes. Why! Why did I do that? Ha!
NomadicMatt
Tip: don’t watch the movie Flight. It’s not going to make the situation better.
Amy
Actually, the fact that Denzel Washington was able to land that plane, high AF, does give me some comfort.
Emma
I was terrified of flying, now I don’t like it but I can do it. I did have to do a fear of flying course (run by virgin) about 10 years ago. Before then I hadn’t flown in 23 years! I used to have nightmares about flying and I couldn’t even watch films with planes in them without feeling ill. I feel your pain though. I find even booking the flight stressful! My mantra is ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’!
NomadicMatt
I’ll look into if they still do that course.
Amie K
I’m also a nervous flyer. Last year, while attending an out of town seminar for work, I experienced some stress-induced gastritis. I picked up an inexpensive generic over-the-counter drug, famotidine, at the pharmacy and took some the morning of the last day. I took another dose later in the afternoon while waiting at the gate for my flight home. When we boarded the plane I had a brief, friendly chat with my seat mate. Then, as I was buckling up my seatbelt, it hit me – this intense premonition of doom. I just *knew* that we were going to crash. Inside my head, I could hear people screaming and the lights on the plane suddenly seemed abnormally bright. A voice in my head said loudly, “You have to get off this plane. NOW!!” The doors had been closed and the moments were ticking by as the plane waited to taxi to the runway. I came *this close* to demanding that the flight attendant let me off the plane. I was totally freaking out but it was all happening in my mind. On the surface, I kept it under control (just barely) and no one noticed. The guy in the seat next to me was completely unaware – he rolled up his jacket, stuck it under his head, and dozed off. I focused on my breath and did my best to empty my mind of all other thoughts except “breathe in, breathe out.” When anxious thoughts intruded, I released them with each exhale. Eventually the panic subsided enough that I was able to pick up my book and distract myself for the rest of the flight.
I may be a nervous flyer at the best of times, but this incident was extreme, even for me. And usually my fears don’t kick in until the plane actually leaves the ground. It was only after relating the story to my husband once I was safely home that I thought to check out the side effects of famotidine, a medication that I had never taken before that day. Some of the rarer side effects are anxiety, nervousness, racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, vision changes etc. Moral of the story: NEVER, EVER try a new medication before a flight.
NomadicMatt
Duly noted!
Veronica
This article made my day. I’ve always thought I was the only one who felt this way about flying. Everybody always seems so calm but I guess they’re like me and are holding it inside. I find that I need to have an almost OCD list of things that I have to have and do before and during a plane flight. I have to arrive early to the airport because I don’t want to be rushed. Rushing will make me feel out of breath and anxious and I don’t want to get on the plane that way. I MUST have a huge bottle of water on the plane (the little glasses they give on board will not cut it). I need to be able to sip water throughout the flight both when I am thirsty and nervous. I must have a line up of movies or tv shows downloaded to my iPad to distract me as well as a good book on my Kindle app to read and I must have some snacks in case I am hungry or the flight is delayed. Being hungry will cause me to feel anxious as well so I need to prevent that plus one time a short 40 minute flight to Prague was delayed in Holland for 6 hours and I didn’t bring any snacks because I thought it would be a quick flight. So now no matter what I do or how long the flight is I must have snacks because let me tell you that I went back to the stewardess on that delayed flight and asked for something to eat and was denied. Not helpful! Then, lastly, I send up a silent prayer to my grandfather and sister and ask for their protection. Some of these things might sound silly to those who don’t understand but these are the things over the years that I have found that really help me overcome my anxiety on flights and arrive happy and healthy. I hope they help you as well. 🙂
Michelle
I love flying but my dad was a pilot so I’m used to being in planes. My husband on the other hand hates it! I’m lucky whenever I can drag him on one.
Salman
Great tips for travelers like me !
Ditte
Hahaha that sounds exactly like me! I must say though, I am better at flying “alone” than with people I know – don’t know why…
NomadicMatt
When I fly with people, I always end up grabbing their hand during turbulence. Actually, I sometimes end up doing that when I’m flying alone too…..
Mike
I am trying hard to get myself on a plane for my 4 kids,but I dont want to fly with them on the same plane. I have not flown for 15 years and really had not too much anxiety then but now holy smokes just thinking about it making me sick. My kids hate me cause I wont get on a plane….hate it.
Annie
Oh wow all of these fears, thoughts, etc are soooooo me! I’m supposed to be going on a 5.5 hour flight in about one month. I can’t sleep and I’m thinking about the “torture” constantly. I don’t want to let my family down. I’m trying to understand the safety of flying. I just want to be fearless, but it’s very difficult to do.
Steve B
Haha, I agree; it’s getting worse as I get older! You’d think it would help being an engineer who studied a bit of fracture mechanics and such, but nope!
Beto
Probably because I’m not used to fly that much is that I tend to concentrate on the good things of traveling; the great window vistas, the experience as a whole, etc. Not that I don’t have fatal thoughts from time to time — it’s that I couldn’t do anything if the plane blows up in the sky regardless. Also, for every sad accident with hundreds of deaths that make the headlines, tens of thousands of planes take off and land every day around the world without a major hitch. That’s something worth keeping in mind. I understand, however, that take off and landing are where the bulk of accidents happen, so once the plane reaches cruising altitude I can rest easy. Violent turbulences still freak me out though.
I’m not much of a fan of boozing at 10.000 feet, but if I were really in distress during a flight, I would certainly consider downing a shot or two of scotch (my poison of choice).
NomadicMatt
Don’t worry. If you’re flights dropping over an ocean, you’re not going to make it anyways. Have all the scotch you want! 🙂
Mallory
Why is that so? Planes can make water landings.
Britt
I’ve actually felt its quite common with a few travel bloggers I follow to be scared of flying. It’s something that in general lots of members of the public have problems with- so its no surprise that you get a little worried.
I’m the complete opposite. I kind of roll with the whole ‘I can’t fly a plane, there is nothing I can do about my fate now’ kind of attitude. I think turbulence is fun!
But I do agree the idea of the extremely terrifying fall from a crashing airplane does terrify me- I just choose not to think about it!
James
Hey, I read your article and it has some good points but as someone who has come from the brink of not being able to fly again for serious anxiety issues to now comfortably enjoying flying I have a few points I think might be beneficial to people:
I have done a professional fear of flying course that incorporates psychologists, airline pilots and simulator sessions, I know these can be expensive but they are so worth it and are really got me to the point I am today so I would suggest to look into them, Virgin do some great ones and flight experience in Sydney.
Don’t use substances to overcome your fear, you are not managing it only masking it and avoiding it. Something I learned that was a breakthrough for me was that you can still be avoiding something even though you are still doing it. I used to self medicate to fly and thought that I was flying when really I was rushing through the airport, taking medication and distracting myself with movies and games to pass the time until the experience ended. You really do have to face your fear here and a grea way to start is just to go and sit and familiarise yourself in the airport, watch people, get used to sounds and smells and show yourself that it is a place to relax not feel anxious, then progress from there to flying and ensure you are present and not distracting yourself otherwise you are just feeding the fear and it will not get better.
Arm yourself with facts about flying, for example there were 45million flights in 2014 and only 19 incomplete flights, that doesn’t mean they crashed, they were just incomplete. It’s surprising because people would imagine last year was bad for aviation but it was actually the best year on record. The media put fear into everything!
Another helpful fact is that turbulence will not bring down a plane! They are designed to withstand any turbulence and pilots always do all they can to avoid it. Planes are in constant contact with each other and always warning others of unsuspecting turbulence and it’s not because it’s dangerous it’s just so they don’t spill the drinks in first class!
Also it’s really not in an airlines interest to lose an airplane worth between 50-400million.
But the most important thing is not to think there is a quick fix because there isnt, you have to challenge yourself to make gains. Unfortunately it can be a long road, but if your persistent you will get there! You don’t want to just be ‘managing’ and still fearful because it will get worse, arm yourself and challenge yourself and you will see the benefit!
NomadicMatt
Thanks for the comment!
Kimmy
This makes the most sense of all I’ve read so far. Trying to take a trip next summer from the US to England. Thank you!
Karen
Thanks!
Lisa
Your explanation of flying is a whole lot like mine. I am excited at first but then the taking off and landing are awful. I love short flights but I have been taking 12+ hour flights back and forth for the past two years and those are killer long! Awesome blog!
Gustavo
Are spying me? lol, Your experience while flying is almost the same I have, the main difference is that I’ll spend the most of the journey watching the clouds isn’t it amazing?
NomadicMatt
Maybe I am 😉
Katrina
Wow it makes me feel a lot better to read that you’re afraid of flying too, and for the same reasons as me! I used to love flying but I literally cry on every flight now when there’s even a slight amount of turbulence. It’s so hard to love to travel and hate to fly. The only thing that works for me is Ambien so I can sleep through at least a couple hours.
NomadicMatt
I take that too! Does wonders!
Mark
You’re not alone with that one buddy. I share the same feelings when it comes to flying. I have to say though that it’s rapidly getting better since i am flying multiple times a year. And unlike most people with a fear of flight, for some reason i really enjoy the landing a lot.
NomadicMatt
I like landings….because it means we are back on the ground!
Amelia
DITTO!
Madi
You’re definitely not alone. I love being at the airport and people watching but everything in between for me is an absolute nightmare. I blame modern media for all the reported airplane crashes .. If I didn’t love travel so much there’s no way I would be venturing on a plane!
Chris
Damn son, it’s as if you’re inside my head during any of my trips that involve a flight or two. While I have improved over the years – work helped fly most of the fear out of me – I still get the occasional case of the jitters. What actually helped me get over my fear was watching the show “Mayday.” I get that might seem odd, but hear me out.
The first episode I watched was actually in-flight on WestJet using their satellite TV (you’d think a show like this would be blacked out). After seeing both the catastrophic ending to the flight, but the logical conclusion that explained the steps to prevent it from happening again, I found that the logic finally sunk in. A few more episodes after that and suddenly I wasn’t thinking about the plane going into a Top Gun flat spin of doom, but all the safety measures that went into making this flight as smooth as possible.
Crazy I know, but it’s what worked for me.
NomadicMatt
Watching those plane crash shows actually helps me get over my fear too. I see the systems that have developed to prevent crashes and it makes me breathe easy.
Heather Abbott
I too was a fearful flier for several years in my 20s and early 30s. I tried a lot of different things that did not work and then used the SOAR program and it worked. Only thing that did. I now fly over 50,000 miles a year comfortably. This will be my very first year gaining Elite Status too. The fear is very valid for all the reasons you stated however, it’s also treatable so that you shouldn’t need drugs or alcohol. Part of the reason I sought treatment was I didn’t want to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol in the unlikely event of an inflight emergency where paying attention and being alert is key to safety.
Capt Tom Bunn LCSW
Yes, as Heather says, SOAR works, even for people who have “tried everything” and decided that nothing will work for them.
We have a free app at http://www.fearofflying.com/app
My book, Amazon Editors’ 2014 Favorite Book, is SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying. That’s a cheap way – even cheaper than a drink – to fix flight problems and fix them permanently. Then you can drink for fun.
Megan
Thanks for the post! I grew up flying a lot because my dad was a pilot for a major airline, so there was no room for me to be scared. But I can see where sometimes it’s more than just “sucking it up”. It’s a real fear that is hard for some to overcome.
Dave Briggs
I went through a stage a couple of years back of getting cold sweats just 10 minutes before take off. Totally irrational, and had no idea why. Then, it stopped after a few months. I still haven’t got a clue what that was about!
Daniela Frendo @ Grumpy Camel Travel Blog
I feel less alone after reading this. I start getting bad thoughts as soon as I book flights (normally around 4 months in advance), but I’ve never spoken to a doctor about my anxiety. I take sleeping pills before flights, but I hardly get any sleep! I arrive at my destination drenched in sweat and with tears of joy.
Sometimes I try comforting myself with thoughts of my upcoming adventure, and this helps me relax. When flying back home, I think about all the photos and stories I’ll be sharing with family and friends.
I understand that this fear is irrational, but I’ve also come to accept the fact that it’s only natural to be terrified of flying.
NomadicMatt
Agreed.
Flora Baker
I’ve had the same slowly growing fear of flying as you, Matt – it’s starting to be frustrating now! Overthinking when you’re in the air and at a complete loss of control is never the best idea. I find myself fixated on the ‘fasten seatbelt’ sign because as long as it’s off I feel relatively safe…
When I’ve talked to other travellers about it, they’ve suggested learning everything possible about how planes fly or taking a flying course to lessen the fears. Maybe that’s an idea for you too?!
NomadicMatt
Sometimes airlines do behind the scenes stuff on how planes work. I think that would be awesome.
Hillary
I am exactly the same way about flying. Absolutely TERRIFIED of flying but my love of traveling and being places other than home outweighs my fear, so I just suck it up. I’m just like you, where I remind myself of the stats concerning flying versus other forms of transportation, as well as the basic physics of flight. And yes, on the one hand I get it. It’s safe, the likelihood of a crash is extremely small, etc. But on the other, sometimes realer, definitely “panicky-er” hand, AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Thanks for being another person who loves to travel but hates to fly.
NomadicMatt
Planes want to stay in the air! Planes want to stay in the air!
Elizabeth Hampton
Great article! I feel very much the same when I fly. Despite being a travel blogger I am also a therapist that helps people with their fears and anxieties. I wrote a similiar article not that long ago for our blog. FYI, watch out for CaptainTom. The guy is just trying to sell his book but will not give you any good advice for beating your anxiety while flying unless you pay for it and even then, it is not empirically or sound and not evidence based practice. Learning the facts, deep breathing, meditation, visualization, and keeping your mind occupied with great conversation or activities are all good ways to manage anxiety. Good luck and thanks for sharing because there are so many of us out there that share in this struggle and we are not alone. Cheers!
Elizabeth
Cécilia
OMG! it’s like you’ve wrotten that for me! ah ah
i feel exactly the same way today on a plane. But before the flight, i’m already anxious, knowing what i’m gonna have to do….The worst part of “my story” is that i was not always like that. I’ve taking the plane during 25 years without fear. Making fun of people who actually had fear… And i had a “air pocket” (sorry if its not the right translation).It was in 2010. Since i’m scared as hell. It’s really a torture to get on a plane…. With the latest events on flight disappearing, or the pilot who commits suicide with the plane…. it’s getting worst! The limit when you are travel addict ah ah
Anyway, i already do your n°2 advice … Next time, i will do n°3 and drink something! LOL
NomadicMatt
It’s the best solution!
swanny
Haha, yeah i am a bit scared of flying. I always eyeball the pilots to make sure they look sane. I am sh#tting myself during takeoff and every time i hear the engines turn down (you know that bit just after you have taken off!) is the scariest bit. Once we get level i am ok but then i crap myself again when we hit turbulence and when we come into land. I guess its the bit that your life is in someone elses hands and you have no control that freaks me out. But every time it has been ok and i keep flying. I mean if you want to travel you pretty much have to fly, especially because i am from Perth which is the most isolated city in the world, flying is the only way to get anywhere so you just have to accept it and cope with it.
Nee
Flying used to fascinates me, until a super bumpy flight on my way home from Paris. And I need to stop watching Air Crash Investigation!
NomadicMatt
You have to do what you have to do.
Karen P.
Matt, I am cracking up right now. It’s like I wrote this article! Wow. Totally what I do!! Thanks for the laugh. I’m flying on Friday and will be doing all of this!!! LOL!!!
Jessica
Wow, I have never heard someone describe EXACTLY how I feel about flying… I love the idea of using planes for travel, love the idea of getting to sit and read, watch movies, etc, but holy crap, the irrational panic!!! I’m flying to New Zealand in the fall and I am trying to remain calm about a 14 hour flight… longest one I’ve been on… deep breaths…. Anyway, thanks for all the advice! I’m new to your site and have found SO much useful info so far.
Allan T
I find it hilarious when someone has a fear of flying. Hehehe. I’m actually surprised that you have a fear of flying despite traveling non-stop for 9 years.
It’s been 3 years since I rode an airplane. Can’t wait to fly again next year to my Southeast Asia trip!
Michelle
Wow. Are you afraid of anything?
If not fantastic. Also, that means you’re a robot, not a human.
But wait…if you are afraid of say, spiders, approaching certain people, speaking in public (just naming some traditional ones)…and it’s “hilarious” to others… Doesn’t that strike you as immature, or cruel?
There indeed are people that can laugh at others’ fears…I guess they are deficient in vitamin E…empathy. Are you?
Mary
As a flight attendant, I see thousands of people every single day who are terrified of flying. From tears to panic attacks – I’ve seen it all!
Two pieces of advice:
1.) look at the cabin crew. If the flight attendant isn’t panicking, then you shouldn’t be panicking either. We fly all day, every day, 365 days a year. We are accustomed to all the pitches and rolls of the airplane, and everything you might be feeling is completely normal.
2.) Don’t take medicine for the first time before a flight. I’ve had too many medical emergencies because people were not prepared for the side effects of whatever medication they took. Just drink a glass of wine – it helps!
Claudia
Bless, you made me laugh so much! I have always enjoyed flying, and in fact I usually fall asleep on long haul flights. That’s unless the plane is packed and I can’t get a whole row to myself to stretch my legs (because I have to fly economy, you know!). As I returned home from my last solo trip to South America, I had a terrible time. It overall took me over 48 hours. A 10 hours flight from Montevideo to Miami which was bumpy to say the least. 15 hours layover in Miami which I thankfully killed by buying the daily pass to the Admirals Lounge, a 10 hours flight to London (again bumpy), 8 more hours layover and then a flight to Rome and one to Cagliari. All flights were packed so there was no chance I could get any decent sleep. And drinking on board dehydrates me so much that I avoid it (but that is a good technique, actually). The flights were so bumpy that over dinner the drinks spilled over. So bumpy that I thought I may have to hug the person sitting next to me for comfort in case we were going to fall. But here I am, writing about it and hoping for another flight soon 🙂
Kevin S
For a period of time, had problems with the ears when the plane descend. Now what worry me is the hydraulic noises inside a C-130 prop plane. Since this was a flight from Germany to Crete and not a jump exercise, I didn’t get the parachute option.
Moira Dolan, MD
Hi Matt, You did mention alcohol OR Ambien, but it should be emphasized. It’s an extremely dangerous combination. Ambien and other benzos also have a long list of bizarre mental side effects, even in the occasional user.
Patrick
I had a few years of fear of flying after a huge plane crashed here in Chicago on a crystal clear day. The crash claimed a friend’s parents and other friends’ business partners and acquaintances. The next flight I took started dropping, nose first, 20 minutes after takeoff. After about 30 seconds or so (probably less) the pilots leveled it off. That set me up for about 5 years of anxiety on flights.
The cure for me was a long overnight flight to New Zealand. Sometime during that flight I realized that the airplane is an air ship and just like a ship it moves up and down and sideways at times. It has its own rhythms, like any form of transportation, and I learned to be present to those rhythms. And of course, I need to bless the pilots and crew the moment I get strapped in.
I still get a little anxious at times during takeoff and landing (especially during storms and low ceilings) but I settle in quickly.
Cathy G
Matt – you and I have the exact same fear of flying. I too am afraid of heights. I’m all good until we hit even mild turbulence. I go immediately to ‘we’re all gonna die’!!! It’s so unpleasant. I also check out the flight crew – and if they don’t looked panicked, then I calm down (just a wee bit). I own a travel company and organize tours – which I escort. I never like my clients to know I am totally freaked out getting on the plane so I try not to sit near any of them. Once I had a pilot join a tour of mine and I spent 2 weeks peppering her questions about flight safety etc. I even purposely sat beside her going over to Indonesia – I figured if she was close she could save me! Thank you for the tips – and knowing there are others out there with this irrational fear makes me feel slightly better. Maybe you should organize a group for fearful flyers – they’d need to stock a lot of booze on that flight!
EYWL
Turbulence on a plane is not forever. Just imagine you are on a fun roller coaster ride and sing “Shake, Rattle, & Roll” till it’s over.
hadasbt
I once watched Pacific Rim while there was turbulence. It was an awesome 4D experience. 😛
John McCloud
I have no advice to deal with or overcome the fear of flying, but I can say that I was afraid of flying for probably 30 years. I don’t know exactly when or why it became a problem. For my first several years of flying I wasn’t afraid. Then suddenly I was. But happily, just as suddenly one day I wasn’t afraid again. So don’t assume your fear is there forever. Mine dissolved and maybe yours will too.
Natasha
I’m also a very nervous flier. I get sick to my stomach for a good day or two BEFORE flying. I live off of 7-up and some light near-flavorless food, crackers or something like that.
I’ve been trying to travel more and fly more to get over the fear, but the take-off about legit gives me a panic attack every time. I cry a bit usually, if it’s not smooth. One time it was so bad and I was flying alone, that in my teary-eyed panic, i asked the guy sitting next to me to hold my hand. The flight was very turbulent and scared me so much. I ended up holding his hand about 1/2 the flight! But we made friends and I’m so glad he was there to comfort me in my high stress!
I don’t like speed and I don’t like the idea of falling to my death from that high, or at all!
After reading this post, I have to say I like you more now, Matt. Most of the time I read all the blogs about people traveling and they are like “just get on a plane and go!”
and yes, i want to do that…but I also would rather just stay on the ground or on a boat. haha
It hasn’t stopped me traveling yet, but there were a few times after a really scary flight that I didn’t book any travel for a while, at least not in the air!!!
Laurel
Omg this sounds like me. I get a jittery tummy and am a puke phobe. Combined with motion sickness, OCD and being a control freak I am a real hot mess on a plane. Glad you got through it though.
Marijke
Getting on a plane is not the problem for me, however experiencing turbulence during the flight always freaks me out. These tips helped me learn to deal with it:
1 Next time you’re in a car pay really close attention to all the bumps and shocks you’re experiencing. Really, it’s way worse than most turbulence. Then, on your next flight, try to remember this experience.
2 I always check the map on the entertainment system to see where we are flying. If we’re flying over mountains or pass a coastline I know there’s a chance that we’ll hit turbulence so I prepare myself for it. I also always try to have a window seat for the same reason (and because the scenery is beautiful!).
Last but not least, always wear your seatbelt, even when the sign is off. I’ve learned that the hard way…
Safe travels everyone!
Stephanie
Thanks for the tips and the reassuring statistics. I freaking hate to fly but I rationally know the stats which helps put things into perspective. I love to travel but every time I take off I say “ok this is it. I’m never flying again. My travel days are over.” And when I land, it’s like all is forgotten.
It’s hard for me to comprehend so much power behind the flight and I’m aware that there are so many different variables at stake that go into a successful flight. So we assume every single person is doing their job to ensure success. But our ignorance about the mechanics of the plane, etc leaves open a massive gap to be filled by simply trust. It honestly depends on the country too. Some countries have better oversight and maintenance and I feel a lot more comfortable flying with their carriers, like Japan’s. I took a prop plane to Yakushima Island and had absolutely no anxiety whatsoever. I trust everything in Japan.
But today honestly, the thing that worries me isn’t the plane’s mechanics. My brother is an aerospace engineer and he reassures me all about structural tests, etc, but it’s the other variables from our modern day existence. I worry about rogue drones flying into our airspace or cyberterrorism hacks, etc. Things that can’t be controlled for. I find alcohol and a good movie helps a lot though.
As for driving, now that scares the shit out of me – particularly on highways and tall bridges. So many variables can go wrong. The Coronado Bridge in San Diego is my nightmare. I refuse to drive it.
Laura
I have been terrified of flying for 40+ years! But, having said that, I am proud to say that I have never let it stop me from flying. I have even flown to Australia and New Zealand! The thing that helped me cope the best, was undergoing a series of sessions in which I learned relaxation therapy. This is basically another way of saying, light hypnosis. I even have a kind of mantra that I say when the turbulence is really bad. I did the sessions with a psychiatric social worker. Before having these sessions, I used to have to drink very heavily to get on any flight, even if that flight was at 6 AM in the morning! But now, I’m able to cope with either a glass of wine or a very small dose of Valium. It’s a big improvement !
Brian Richard Allen
I’m a career aviator whose lifetime of accumulated hours as both pilot and passenger add up to the equivalent of around 700 Earth circumnavigations — and am as bad a passenger as anyone I know. Hate it. Short of being in control myself or at lest being in the jump seat and eyeballing those who should be (Reality? About 15% of those in the pilot costumes are actually “pilots”) the only way for me to put aside the fear is to travel First and to thus make of the whole dreadful experience, something of a fantasy. Pick the right carrier, (from an English-as-a-First-Language country but most likely not America) travel First or Business — and air travel becomes bearable and even, very occasionally, pleasant.
Scot McKay
Matt, have you ever done an introductory or “discovery” flight session with a flight instructor? Where I live, at least, they actually let you take off, fly the plane and even land the thing. That amazed me, yet I got SO much more insight into the dynamics of flight. As we all know, the best cure for fear is knowledge.
Here are some other fear of flying “hacks” that might help, especially others reading who might not fly much:
1) If there’s a low ceiling and you really grip over not being able to see the ground, the sky below tends to get darker in the moments before you can see land.
2) Bear in mind that there will be lots of hydraulic noises starting about 10-15 mins. before landing, especially on wide-bodies (planes with two aisles).
3) If turbulence freaks you out, sit in the middle of the plane over the wing. The caveat is remembering that you’ll hear a substantial thump followed by increase air noise when the landing gear comes down about five mins. before landing.
4) Sometimes the flight crew can be moving quickly and deliberately with a sense of urgency, especially during *unexpected* turbulence while serving meals, etc. That’s not to be confused with “freaking out”.
5) If you’re descending into cloud cover on approach, expect bumps ahead of time.
6) Watch flight tests of various airliners on YouTube to see exactly what the planes are engineered to endure. The 787 ones are particularly amazing. That one exercise really inspires confidence that the wings aren’t going to break off, etc.
All of that aside, we were on a flight from Xi’an to Kunming recently that took off six hours late at 2a and flew through turbulent weather the whole time. I couldn’t help but hope that the pilots were still wide awake up there.
Ultimately, they always seem to land the thing, don’t they?
Alex
I’m so glad to hear that someone else who travels all the time is as uncomfortable flying as I am! I *literally* have the exact same thoughts every time I fly, despite my addiction to travel. Sadly, dehydration cancels out the positive effects of booze for me, but I’ve written about some of my own tips, tricks and resources for nervous flyers on my blog. One little trick I did fail to mention though is that I always stash a valium in my bag… I’ve actually never actually taken one on a plane, but just knowing I have it in case of panic attacks is amazingly comforting.
Lee
Almost the same here Matt. Love to travel but claustrophia panic attack strikes when that plane door shuts before takeoff, as well as waiting for the door to open when we land. Heights not a problem, actually love the feeling; landing I think is more dangerous. The idea of being trapped inside a plane for hours drive me crazy; and the idea of being trapped inside a non-moving plane on the tarmac for more than 15-20 minutes equally as bad. Think about the incidents in which Jetblue had passengers trapped for hours in the aircraft without taking off. Now there is legislation for the aircraft to return to the dock if if cannot leave within 2 hours. But 30 minutes or so will do it for me! I think I’ll flip in 2 hours. I take my Xanax whenever I fly, and my wife tries to engage me in conversation to keep my mind off it. She knows the signs when I am getting into trouble. Longing to visit China, Japan, Australia, Middle East but don’t think I will fare well with flights longer than 5-6 hours. My electronics help to some extent. Thanks for sharing.
SLM
I’m doing my first long-haul flight to Japan in September. I am SO excited and SO nervous. 🙂
Travis Longmore
I’m like the complete opposite of this. I LOVE flying. I am like a small kid every single time. I do know there are courses you can take that help you overcome the fear though. My doctor was talking to me about it one day and mentioned they can direct patients to them as a better way to deal with the anxiety. He told me a lot of people lean to drugs instead of actually finding a solution long term. Lucky for me I don’t have to worry about that though!
Duke Stewart
Hey Matt,
Loved reading this after finding it in my inbox today! I’m also afraid of flying and only during the takeoff and landing stages. During that time, my wife and I have to hold each other’s hands as a superstition/nerves cure. I got really nervous when flying solo back to Korea and there was no hand to hold. Luckily I made it safely but won’t take my chances anymore.
Drinking is also a good option, I agree. It also works when the earphones won’t cancel out the screaming babies that sometimes like to put on surround sound shows. Thanks for sharing this, Matt. It helped me look at my own fears while living through yours. Great post!
Beth
Ironically, what helped me out, was my little brother taking me up in a small propeller plane. He explained every check that he did, I got to listen to him talk to the tower, he explained what things meant in the air. … I was much calmer on my next flight just knowing about all that stuff. (And I would get full on panic attacks the night before long flights. We will see what happens for my next long flight….)
Kristi
Oh my gosh this is perfection
Beth
I used to be a complete white knuckle flyer- two things helped calm me down…1) the book “Airframe” by Michael Creighton…his incredible detail on plane maintenance, how they work etc made me feel 100% better about being 37,000 ft up.
2) A flight attendant made the comment that we are better able to solve a plane problem 35,000 up in the air than at 10,000 feet- pilot has time to maneuver etc.
Course I always do mumble a prayer just to cover my bases 😉
Jamie
Thanks for this! I’m also an extremely nervous flier. Your mental states, I can relate too… But I’m really not good until the plane has come to a near stop. A strange thing happens on many Canadian flights to tropical destinations… The minute the wheels hit the ground, the passengers start to applaud. I can’t! We’re still screaming down the runway, brakes squealing, cabin shaking, and the smell of rubber melting. My hands are firmly gripping the seat I front of me thinking, “I’m gonna die!” “Just breathe!” and “WTF are these people clapping for… We’re all gonna die!” By the time I’m sufficiently certain that I’m not going to die, the clapping has stopped, and I’m feeling guilty for not applauding the pilot and crew for keeping me alive a little longer!!!
Paul
I usually “fake” being at ease though I am worried most during takeoff (plane has the most fuel at that point, can catch a wrong gust and the party’s over) and landing (hurtling toward the ground you can sense the pilot maneuvering, angling, swaying the plane and sometimes overcompensating into a hard landing). It’s no surprise that – I think – both of those are the times human interaction and reflexes play the most part in the plane’s welfare.
I also think I’m more worried than when driving because of not being in control, as you stated. Plus there is the point that you might survive a car crash while conversely you most certainly won’t survive a plane crash.
Still, there’s no other way to do it and I also look at the flight crew for assurance, as well as believing that the pilot’s want to get where they’re going as well. Although… there was that recent incident… Damn! Just when I was about convinced…
Michelle
Yes! Everything you said!
Victoria
You’re so right Matt. A surprisingly high number of travel bloggers have a fear of heights and a fear of flying but it’s great to know that each and every individual has their own way to fight that fear.
Last year, I was flying from Berlin to Liverpool (Easyjet) and I sat next to a young Danish guy in his early 20’s, who was flying to England. Alone. For the first time. It took me just 30 seconds to realise that he had a fear of flying and from then on, I took him in hand. I showed him a map of the British Isles and how near we were, I asked about his friends and family, (his mother was a professor and his mates were in England waiting for him), I gave him some sweets (he ate them all), I shared my biscuits and snacks, (he ate them too) and I even told him some travel stories of my time in Asia…! This young stranger grabbed my hand on the whole flight. And I let him!
Paulo
I feel less fear when handing other person…
Debbie Lemmers
When I flew the first time I wasn’t nervous at all, I just remember me sleeping at all odd angles, even the flight back.
Now a days I’m a little anxious, a little nervous, because that little “what if” voice nags in the back of my mind. Usually if I have a bad turbulence or bad landing and that voice is going off in my mind, I just say, so what if the plane crashes, then I’ll be dead, there’s nothing I can do to stop it, do I have any regrets? No. Okay then, I’m good.
Cristina
Great post , I can’t fake it at all. I tried to focus on reading or watching movie but I end up not understanding anything. I decided to visit my doctor a week before I travel to get a prescription. I’ll take the pill an hour before boarding so by the time the plane takes off
I’m already sunk. Sometimes I missed the meal and I told my husband as long as I am breathing don’t wake me up. One pill will last me for 6 hours so in the mid of flying
I’ll take another pill that will last me until touchdown . Funny part is I’ll reach my destination feeling groggy and high. Without the pill I’ll be so anxious and my mind is traveling in a speed of light. I can relate 100% on this article. I am glad that I am not alone.
Kathy
Oh my gosh!! This has been so interesting reading all the comments.Thank you! I am just like Matt and many of you and I find it really helpful when I see statistics such as 45 million!!! flights and only 19 not completed?! Incredible. But I must say I definitely panic when there is any turbulence: I for sure think I am going DOWN! But it does not stop me from travelling..if I want to see the world I have to get on the plane and so far so good!!!
Andrew
i too am terrified of flying although ive taken so many flights. It’s take off for me, i rather enjoy landing. I totally relate to your turbulence thoughts! any odd sound freaks me out big time!
K
YES. While flying I’m always certain the plane is about to tip over/nose-dive/disintegrate at any moment… I assumed it would go away the more I flew, but it’s getting worse!
Becca
This is a great article! I love to travel but flying really is anxious-laden for me. I share your fear of lack of control and unease with heights.
One trick that I use in addition to your three is I try to break the flight up into segments (15-20 minutes for a domestic flight, 30-45 minutes for international). The goal is try to stay distracted just for the segment – I watch a movie, read, chat with my traveling companion (or stranger or flight attendant) or do anything that actively engages my mind. If I can get through the segment, I do a couple minutes of reciting safety facts in my head and breathing exercises to calm myself. Then I start over! I’ve found that by organizing my flights this way, I realize that before I know it, I’m there!
Thanks again for posting – very reassuring and a reminder that fear of flying is not a reason to not travel!
Christina Soong
I’ve actually always loved flying! There have been a few very rocky flights that have unnerved me but otherwise I’m generally calm. Props to you for overcoming your fear so often!
Richard Alexander
Hi Matt (and any other nervous travelers)
One of the best aids to dispensing with thefear of flying is to get yourself off to the health food shop or a pharmacy that deals in complementary therapies. There, find the Bach Flower Remedy shelf and buy one each of Mimulus and Rescue Remedy. If you can get the Rescue Remedy in spray form, even better.
Up to a month before your planned flight, start to take the Mimulus. If you’re flying on short-notice, start straight away. Pop three drops straight onto your tongue or into a glass/bottle of water and sip – three times a day.
During this period, whenever you feel anxious about the idea of the flight, three drops or a spray or two of Rescue Remedy as soon as you feel it. It doesn’t matter how many times a day this happens.
About three days before the flight, take the Rescue Remedy just as you are doing the Mimulus. On the day of the flight, use the Rescue Remedy any time you feel anxious or nervous. Hopefully by this time it won’t be much!
Give this a shot. I am a qualified Flower Essence Practitioner and I’ve helped countless people where the fear of flying is concerned and this mix is extremely effective.
Matt, if you find you could still do with a bit more support having tried this, contact me and I’ll help you out FOC. You have given me plenty through your website, I’d be happy to repay the favour!
Happy flying
Richard
Bob Merrick
I have revisited this article from last week and discovered from all the responses that there is a lot of anxiety about flying. I knew there were some, but had no idea to the extent. It is an eye opener. It is still safer to fly that to drive in a car, yet we drive all the time with no fear.
Jill P
There are several metropolitan cities in the US where there are fearful flying classes to help you break the habit and learn new techniques. I am in Denver and there is a class held twice a year by United Airlines and the Colorado ’99’s (a women pilot organization) called Flight Without Fear. It combines education about flying, planes, how they work and the aviation industry with a Psychologist (who is also a pilot) that teaches coping mechanisms and retraining your brain. You get to visit an airplane maintenance hangar, air traffic control, and there is a group graduation flight at the end. It is an AMAZING class.
I suddenly became fearful of flying in 1999 and this class has helped me tremendously. Click on my name to go to the site or search for “Flight Without Fear Non-Profit Organization” to join the Facebook group. A new session is starting in September!
Hannah Marfil
I have experienced anxiety over flying, too. Granted, I’ve only flown once in my life and it was a very short ride indeed, but it’s an experience I don’t care to repeat again. I prefer riding in vehicles where I can see the road instead of flying in a plane where all I can see outside my window are the clouds.
Tia
I have a fear of flying as well & it also comforts me to notice that the cabin crew are not nervous. I wonder if that anxiety will ever get better the more I fly because I’m sure you have a great many more miles under your belt than I.
Catherine
I fly often but I had what I like to call a “traumatic” experience (a bit dramatic). I was on a small plane flying through/over tornadoes, sitting next to someone who was hyperventilating because of the turbulence, people were screaming, (everyone was holding onto the back of the seat in front of them) and then having the pilot tell us we would have to land in another city, refuel, then take off again. I was needless to say extremely nervous. Ever since then I have real issues with turbulence. However, the suggestion I would like to make is that you close your eyes and just imagine that you are going over potholes in your car/on the bus/on the metro. It doesn’t put my fears completely at bay but it does help me concentrate on something else/making myself feel more in control of the situation. I also make sure the air is pointed right at me – I feel like that helps me stay calm. Thanks for all of the suggestions!
Amanda
Well, at least I am not the only one. I fly a lot for work, thankfully, only domestic travel is necessary. The twist to my fear of flying is that, wait for it, my little brother is a pilot for Southwest. Good news is that over the years my fear has lessened considerably. I haven’t had to dip into the Xanax for the past 6 months and that is huge. So, having my brother to talk to about my crazy fear has been very helpful. Even though he rolls his eyes at people like me, he always patiently walks me through why this or that bump happened. I also always try to fly Southwest because I imagine my brother flying the plane, which cuts out that whole stranger in the cockpit thing. I also know how much training he has had (more than you can imagine), how often he has to do check rides (a lot!), has to take tests (a lot!), how calm he is (yes, he’s the guy who comes over the speaker who sounds like he just woke up), how often he flies (up and down 5 or 6 times a day for 4 days straight every week). Bottom line, he along with all of the pilots on U.S. carriers are beyond qualified for what they do. They are tested and re-tested more than any other job I know. My brother has taken me up in smaller planes, showed me how everything works, and he has let me talk with mechanics who work on the planes (they are serviced almost every other week). If you can make friends with a pilot, your fears might lessen a bit. If not, well, there’s always Xanax. 🙂 Take that with a cocktail and you will be Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids.
Bonnie
“Courage is knowing what not to fear.” – Plato
Thanks for the tips.
And Matt, your confession makes your way of living even greater. 😉
Joanne
Good gracious Matt….you have described me to a “T” as it pertains to flying. I frigging hate it! But, like you, I do not let it stop me and for me, I call all those wonderfully delicious little drinks, “liquid braves”! Cheers to you
Nicki
This is EXACTLY how I am when flying, but only when it comes to turbulence! It used to not be the case… I started flying at 6 months old and have flown so much in my 29 years. Over the past 3 or so years though, I’ve found I now hate it. (Maybe because turbulence almost seems the norm rather than the occasional occurrence? At least it feels like that to me!) Usually, the nice people sitting near me have ZERO fear and are nice enough to talk to me to distract me while I’m shocked how they can read/get work done/etc and be so CALM. I highly suggest reading “Ask the Pilot” blog, I’ve read his posts on turbulence – oh hey SCIENCE and ENGINEERING! – but still manage to freak out during turbulence, hah. (They said if the crew is calm, you’re fine! And they’re always calm! And planes can withstand SO MUCH TURBULENCE.) Thank you for sharing your confession and know that there are many of us in that 25% out there!
Tiffany
My trick is to watch the flight attendants. If they aren’t concerned then I know it’s probably ok.
Karianne
This post really resonated with me! And in many places really made me laugh – as I have gone though exactly the same thought process!!
I was absolutely fine with flying until a bad experience on an hour flight from Glasgow to London. – where the fight attendants ran back to their seats!! It freaked me out. After that, I developed an awful fear of flying – the problem was, I loved travelling.
So, I’d book trips but then in the two weeks running up to it, I’d start worrying and I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly. During the flight, my palms would sweat, I’d panic at every slight movement and every sound was the plane falling apart. When we landed, I relax for a day or two, before panicking about the flight home. Holidays weren’t as much fun as they used to be.
At this time, my husband was an aeronautical engineer – he knew how planes worked and was confident that if I understood more, it would help. So, he bought me a book on ‘How Planes Fly’ and during our flights, he explained the movements and sounds to me. And things started to get better…..
Now, I actually enjoy flying. I still get apprehensive now and again but knowing what I am feeling / hearing on a plane and why I am feeling / hearing it really really helps. Now, I don’t think a plane is going to start flying upside down…. now matter how it feels!
Paulo
The more you stand to lose at land, the more you are fearful of flying in the air 🙂
Bethen
I literally just posted a blog myself about my fear of flying. It’s totally irrational but you just can’t help it!! Thankfully I can control it enough to not let it get in the way of travels, but I can totally understand why some people literally can’t stand getting on a plane.
Su
I don’t remember feeling jittery about flying until a couple of years ago, I experienced very bad turbulence on a long distance flight. Subsequently, any sort of turbulence makes me feel nervous. However, the glutton in me finds it comforting when I’m served food and I usually don’t pay much attention to turbulence as long as I’m focused on eating. 😀
Fred Perry
It’s common for the beginners. Fear when flight takes off, fear when flight lands, fear when in clouds and the sounds that flight produces. It’s all there. But once you are used to it there’s no such fear. Why to be afraid? Doesn’t matter if you are in an airplane, car or train. Life is inpredictable, live it to the fullest. No one knows about the next moment.
Shez
Omg…I hear you! On a recent flight from Chengdu to Lhasa, it was SO turbulent the entire flight, I just started howling! Balling my eyes out with my head in my hands. I was the only non-Chinese person on the plane and no one spoke a word of English to comfort me. We were flying over the Himalayas the whole flight and all I could see out the window was jagged razor sharp peaks, I knew if we went down there would be no where to make an emergency landing! To make matters worse, when you land in Lhasa the oxygen is so thin you need to preserve your breath and keep your heart rate low, but I was having a full scale panic attack, had to buy a can of oxygen at the airport and I felt weird for about 2 days. Needless to say I was very happy I was getting the train back. Won’t ever do that flight route again! One tip I have that seems to calm me is to imagine a speed boat bouncing on the water as it speeds along. People think air is ‘nothing ‘ but it IS something, and the plane is bouncing along on it just like a boat. When it gets bumpy I think of that and it makes me feel better. Lol.
JJ
I don’t do myself any favours, I catastrophise. I read articles about crashes and try to learn why it happened – again it doesn’t help.
I did a flying with confidence course and I discovered that I find planes and flight theory very interesting. I found my fear is of other people on the plane.
Quite simply I don’t trust others. I question security – it particuarly worries me in other countries where you can jump security queues for a fee etc. I worry about planes being hit by missiles or having bombs planted. Ridiculous I know.
160 planes flew over the Ukraine the day on which that plane was hit by a missile. Its a lottery. But why did they not declare the airspace as being unsafe? They reckon that people could have been alive for up to 10 seconds before passing out. Its this sort of stuff that bothers me.
Other crashes caused by faults with the plane most people usually walk away from.
What can I do about such concerns, I\’d love to know?
TC
I was never afraid to fly until I had my daughter. Since then getting on a plane (and travel in general has been petrifying to me). It’s a problem I’m trying to work through at the moment and explored recently in a post. I’ve just started a blog to document my travels with my 6 year old this year… I’m going to be freaking out on planes a lot!
Seriously though, really enjoyed this post, you made me giggle and I did like the hard statistics. I’m definitely irrational!
Keep up the great work, I’m a new reader and loving it here!
Viki
I know I came here a bit late, but one thing that helps me is imagining the plain as a big metal buggy (I love buggies).
Well, this always helped me in the past. However, in May I am about to face it ALONE.
Scared s*itless doesn’t cover it.
I HAVE to do it because I need to see my partner and I really miss him, but the fear will no doubt take over.
Jessica
Hi!
This blog was very helpful, because I am going to be flying around the world in 5 days and I have awful flying anxiety. The tips about Fake it until you make it sounds very helpful, but definitely the most helpful tip I think for me is the Say the Facts because it will let my brain work through the science and math that I most likely will be just fine. Hopefully these tips works! Thanks!
Jess
shine jakob
Thanks for the information, I was doing a google search and your site came up for fear of flying.
filipe
I’m scared to fly but manage some times to fly. It’s more easy to fly with my girlfriend as she feels no fear at all.
This may sound funny but it’s now almost 19 years in work for an airline.
Knowing others feel the same way. Makes me feel less bad of me. More normal.
I also keep saying :no plane has fallen from turbulence.
Last flight I was flying from Miami in business class and I had a panicked attack. I though we were going to crash. All this to a combination of turbulence and the last estate star wars movie. All those flashes made my mind go hay wire.
I finaly had help. from nurses on board and a doctor. They gave me a Ativan and it went away and it calmed me down.
As I continued my flight to my airport.
I felt bad. But still made it. The worst is I kept telling myself. U know u will land safe. U see hundreds of u get sleeve and return every week .
Its there the phobia .
Heights and fear of crash.
My favorites part ironically are take off and landing .
I mostly panick at cruise speed with turbulence !
Ativans on my wallet for next trip for sure.
Pam
I am such a negative over-thinker when it comes to flying.
One time, when the two flight attendants were demonstrating the safety procedures, I couldn\’t help but notice both had different expressions. One had a calm smile and the other looked worriedly serious and tense. Naturally my negative thoughts immediately kicked in. What if the pilot told her we are being held hostage?! Or she overheard the pilots talking about some troubles with the plane.
I told myself maybe she had a long or off day, because the plane landed safety (Celebration inside my head). Or I just needed to remind myself I\’m a thinkaholic.
Side note: I get tense as when taking off and feel super numb especially when that climb feels jolty. Or in my head: it\’s struggling to climb and in any moment about to drop, crash and burn. But I do love when we\’re about to land for some reason, mostly cause we\’re closer to ground.
Angie
Omg this is exactly how i feel. I didn’t use to be afraid, so I don’t know what changed. As I’m getting closer to fly in October, i’m getting anxious and then another plane crashed 2 days ago. It just keeps making more afraid. I think I will follow your tips and get some wine.
Andi Knox
I have a terrible fear of flying! I’ve only flown 3 times, and all 3 were during bad storms and lots of turbulence. Not been back on a plane in 35 yrs, but planning on going to Portland OR this summer to visit a brother I haven’t seen in 20 yrs! I would just plan on going to sleep, but I have sleep apnea and snore sooo horribly that my co-passengers would be ready to kill me :(…..guess my nook is the next best distraction.
Liz
Liz
I am 5 days away from travelling overseas..13hours to get me to Dubai and then another 5 hours to Athens Greece!
I am terrified! I have to tolerate my fear for 13 hours…no that’s not quite right the fear has started already!
When we hit turbulence and the pilot says “fasten seat belts” babies out of cots, stop serving food, all cabin crew be seated! I’m history..I count, yes just count until the terror passes..counting gives me something to think about as well as reassure me that there is a number that I will reach when the bumping will stop.. 4,096 was the longest I ever counted!
I don’t eat or sleep on a plane, I don’t listen to music I don’t watch movies, I can’t see how anyone can. I am too busy watching everything including cabin crew. I listed to every little sound, every changing sound….I follow the plane path on the screen for 13 hours.
Yes I take pills to take the edge off and drink heaps!
I am a fit health conscious person, I hate taking pills but when flying I make an exception.
Would not want my fear of flying to stop me exploring this beautiful world we live in so I book flights, take pills and drink alcohol… Wish me luck I’m off again!
Atlas
Hi Matt… good post. My fear of flying is completely mental! I am wondering if I am the only one? My fear is the height of the plane… if its a night flight I don’t care so much, take off and landing don’t bother me either. Unfortunately its the main chunk in the middle when we’re at 39000 feet and I look out and see clouds that usually look so high, a billion light years below! It gives me massive heebeejeebees! As for turbulence, at lower altitudes when going through clouds etc… I don’t care so much but when we’re cruising and it gets bumpy I’m like “WTH… why?” I worry about flying for weeks before and just thinking about it makes my hands and feet sweaty! I take Xanax and wine! Anybody else mainly scared of the middle bit and the height?
SLM
That is exactly the part that I hate! I can deal with the take offs and landings, but the hours and hours and hours in the air, hitting bumps and what not just freaks me out. I am taking my first international flight in September (Seattle to Tokyo). It’s an 11 hour flight and the longest I’ve been on is 5 hours, Seattle to Oahu. I’m hoping I’ll get some great movie recommendations to watch and SLEEP. (plus have a few drinks!) 🙂
Andrea
I used to be thrilled when flying. Absolutely loved it. Totally fascinated. Cotton wool clouds… sunsets, sunrises – just incredible. Last few occasions (and it always seems to be the return flight)… absolute terror over the turbulence and the “moving about” to get a landing position. The turbulence might only have been little bubbles or bumps but I truly thought I was going to die.
I decided I’m just not going to do it. Not again. (whether my fear is irrational or can be overcome or not).
Some places I want to see though…. “the man in seat 61″.. well that might be me. I’ll take a train. I’ll probably be scared of that too!
I might just suck it up and just fly. I want to go to Fiji. Bless all you brave travellers!
Cerri
I’m meant to be going on to a different country next year, but I completely hate being in big places with lots of people, (The airports, town centres,) And I wonder if anyone has any advice for me. Im scared of going to concerts, being in elevators, alot of things where I am not in control. Im only fourteen and this is my first time flying, does anyone have any advice for me? Im prone to panic attacks and constant worry, Im scared I will get onto the plane but have panic attacks and cry till I am landing. Im very worried that I will try to back out of it but I wont be able to and Ill spend my entire vacation worrying about the flight home!
Laura
hi everyone.
I’m considering cancelling my flight to india with my friends – its 2 months away, but i’m not sure if i can handle the anxiety until I go.
I’ve booked in to see a doctor who will be able to refer me onto a therapist, who hopefully will specialise in treating flight phobias.
I did learn something recently that might be useful though – the plane only needs one engine to land – so if one engine goes (in the very unlikely event that this happens), the plane can divert to the nearest airport safely. This helps my fear – which is that somehow the engines will stop working, and the plane will fall out of the sky.
Kelly
This article (and the comments) has helped me so much. It’s nice to know I am not alone. I recently became an anxious flyer due to a bumpy flight to Cancun. I am going to NYC this weekend, and I’m reading facts about planes and crashes to educate myself. I hate the turbulence!! If it’s a smooth ride, I don’t mind being on a plane.
Fifi
Well, it\’s started….first flight booked ( not even an hour ago) in 5yrs to leave in 2 weeks & already I\’m \’ googling\’ . My husband who is a private pilot says it\’s a fear of dying, NOT flying. Yup he\’s got that right, I suspect most of us who are feeling this way are also secret control freaks….think about that one….
So! What I\’m planning on focusing on is this ( in no particular order)
1) it\’s a good job the captain is flying not me, cause that would be a disaster, so I can quit believing that it\’d perhaps be better if I was in control of my own destiny.
2) a scary thought is just a thought – NOT reality – thoughts are not \’ real\’ they\’re really not – show me one?
3) I chose to be here….If today my number should be up, well sod it, at least I was brave enough to face my fear on my last day.
4) tell myself it\’s NOT my last day, why on earth would it be for heavens sake?!
5) practice Mindfulness ( great app Get some Headspace )
6) If I feel tearful & visualise myself running down the aisle screaming \’ we are all going to die\’ -pop a xanax swiftly ( but seriously like I would draw attention to myself like that, refer myself back to stage 2)
7) Quit worrying, it\’s a wasted emotion – accept to serve as a timely warning, when we get super anxious we just have a greater capacity in this emotion, it\’s no more than what anyone on the plane thinks, except they dismiss these thoughts for what they are; a thought.
8) If I do panic – don\’t try to sit on it, invite it to the party, anxiety hates being made welcome
9) IF something WE\’RE to go wrong….give my husband full permission to knock me out – I mean, if we\’re going to crash, seriously I wouldn\’t want to experience it, Im practical like that. Tip to solo travellers; Gal\’s sit next to a big guy , Guy\’s sit next a bigger guy and put in your request ( so long as it\’s certain there is trouble ahead ?)
And FINALLY…….Vodka, yes, there is always vodka.
Bravo to all of you who are undertaking to fly whilst being so afraid, that my dears is the meaning of TRUE courage and we merit a lot praise.
Fifi
Further to my post above, should anyone be interested; I did it. Flight delayed, not sat with my husband which kinda ruined my \’ knock me out if necessary \’ idea . So worst case senario fully obtained. I breezed it, I mean seriously, why should I be on the flight that\’s going to make the news? So here we are, a balmy 19c on Christmas night. It was totally worth it. Fear is just that. Not reality. Live you life NOW. Enjoy your Christmas where ever you are
Madelaine
I used to be an international student so I always flew back and forth from Edmonton – Canada to Guayaquil – Ecuador (home). I never really had a problem until 2012 when I experienced rough turbulence. Ever since I have a phobia of flying and I hate planes. My fear has only gotten worse; it seems like everytime I fly now theres turbulence. The worst experience I had was 2015 going from Ecuador to Panama. The plane literally plummeted a couple thousand feet and that completely put me through the edge and I had a horrible panic attack! My doctor gave me a prescription for ativan but it doesn\’t work.. and not every flight has alcohol so I\’m really having a hard time coping 🙁 I fly tomorrow to Orlando from Edmonton and I\’m extremely nervous.. I\’m flying on a CRJ900 and I\’m scared I don\’t know what to expect. I don\’t mind mild turbulence, I just don\’t want to experience any rough turbulence ever again.
Sam
Honestly as awful as this sounds I can’t really get myself to fly unless I take some anti anxiety + 4-7 shots of something strong within a few hours of getting on the plane…
Just to be sure I might throw in a few melatonin gummies in the mix..
That gets me through a 3-4 hour flight, I usually wake up during decent slam a water bottle when I land and feel pretty decent just a little groggy.
SP
I have flown all my life. As a child I thought it was fun because the adults made sure we had toys and candy and I was high up- like in a roller coaster. As an adult that sparkle diminished but I can’t say I was ever scared. That is until this new trip I am taking next month. I’m flying to Europe. I can’t put my finger on why I’m scared this time but I am. Maybe its being over the ocean for so long? Maybe it has to do with the show “Mayday” that for some reason my room mate has found and is binge watching every damn day!! I just don’t know…but I will try some booze and try to distract myself.
wayfaringsarah
I’m not scared of flying but I have a panic disorder. So, if my anxiety just happens to be bad when I’m on a plane – because I’m overtired or whatever – then I get this hilarious movie superzoom moment where I suddenly realise that I’m trapped in a metal box in the sky – not great. hahaha.
Hannah
Oh My goodness!
I just stumbled upon your blog while searching about how to cope with that fear of flying and, I honestly can’t believe how much I have laughed. You have such sense of humour. Honestly, I laughed so hard because, when I am traveling, I am often having the same thoughts, so now I know I am not alone out there. lol. Of course, I know many people are afraid of flying, but have never heard (or read) someone to talk about it in such a clever way. Thank you so much for this post! Excellent indeed.
NNolan
I’m fine during take off and landing, it’s what happens in-between that freaks me out and that’s turbulence of any kind. Another weird thing considering my fear is that I feel more comfortable in a window seat. Of course, that leaves my poor husband in the middle most of the time.
Milli
Thanks for a great post!This is me and my mental state of mind before and when I fly. Btw i just came back from a trip to Europe, changed 3 planes from huge to tiny…the flight from London to Zagreb was bumpy, my first experience and I was so scared??
Thank you all for great advice especially live life to the fullest, at the end of the day if it’s your last day that’s what it is, worry is a wasted emotion???. Don’t let fear of flying prevent you from exploring the world ?
Clara
This was so helpful because I don’t have plane phobia it’s just me being paranoid!
Amanda
Thank you for this!!!
I’m PETRIFIED of planes, flying out tomorrow and dreading the flight (even though its only 45 minutes) haha. Will be reading this in the airport again!
Emily
This article totally resonated with me. I absolutely hate to fly — it’s the whole taking off and landing parts. I’m fine mid-flight. Except for turbulence. Trouble is, I live overseas and have to do at least two 15+ hour flights per year to make it home to visit family. How do I do it? I like the late night flights. If I can be asleep before takeoff, that is my ideal plan. It gets me through the worst part (for me). I don’t drink alcohol, so I plan for boarding time to be my bed time. Eat dinner a few hours before. Take a sleeping pill or an antihistamine about an hour before boarding.
When I’m awake on the flight and I start to freak out, I listen to music. I have a specific playlist that is calming and brings visions of places I’ve traveled with long open roads. I turn the AC up right in my face. I drink cold water. I breathe deep and mediate. Or fake meditate, since I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I concentrate on my hands and my fingers and my posture until I forget about the fear….
mary ann
Totally identify with that fear of falling. I learned about my fear of falling climbing Ayers Rock in Australia. I didn’t even realize it until people kept asking me are you ok? I was hyperventilating and not even realizing that I had a white knuckle death grip on the chain going up and down (the chain was installed to prevent falls) . Once I got to the flat portions, normal breathing returned and I looked out high above the land without a care or fear. It was then that I realized the fear of falling – and ultimately the landing – was an undiscovered phobia. On the way down, I white knuckled the chain and kept low to the ground, just in case…
I have no desire to sky dive or bungee jump.
I also have a fear of large bodies of water. Specifically, being in them. I also scuba dive and dove almost daily when I lived in the Keys. The first 5 minutes of every dive, primarily the first dive (because sharks! drowning! being lost at sea!!!), and to a lesser extent any same day dive entering the water, I burn 250 pounds of air or so and play head games to calm myself down. After about 5 minutes, I settle into a relaxed breathing pattern and am usually the one with the most air left at the end of a dive managing to go from sheer panic breathing to very relaxed with air to spare left in the tank.
I have never met or heard anyone else that had identified a fear of falling. I really dislike falling.
Nate
Search Amazon for Scared Flightless: A Guide & Exercises to Overcome Your Fear of Flying.
Joe
This describes me to a t! I had one flight where there was a bad storm and turbulence was crazy and the lights went out. I about ripped my arm rests to shreds. The pilot would inform us we might have to make an emergency landing at another airport and I never felt so helpless in my life.
Rachel
I found your article while googling about being terrified to fly. We’re planning an international flight from the US to The Netherlands next year. I haven’t flown, by choice, since 2009, when I last about had a heart attack on the phone due to severe anxiety. I even scared my husband, who was flying regularly for work. I wasn’t always like that. I had a very scary experience when I was 16 (I’m 35 now) that has left a memory I can’t forget. We were flying out of Boston airport and shortly after we got settled in the air and straightened out, our nose SLOWLY turned to nose dive down and down we dropped! I remember the slow turn down like it was literally slow motion. I don’t know at what point I gripped my seat handles, but I did and I felt tears coming down my eyes even though I wasn’t crying- that’s how scared sh&tless I was. My mom screamed a couple short screams as the plane was slowly nose turning down and other people started screaming when we dropped. F&cking scary! The pilot obviously gained control and then came on the speaker saying he had put it on autopilot too soon. Who knows…I did fly a few more times after that, but my fear, perhaps when I became a mother and with maturity-understanding my mortality better- my fear became out of control and I haven’t flown since 2009. I’ve missed funerals, weddings, etc. I refuse to miss this trip…Not sure how I will manage, but I will, lol.
Lu Nick
Hi,
I am due to fly in a month time and since I bought the tickets, I can’t sleep well in the night from fear and anxiety of flying.
I know there are a lot of people who se scared of flying but not to sleep with a month before .Crazy!
I just feel like I want to give up my holiday because of all this.
Do you think I need to address it to my GP?
Thank you.
Christine Au Yong Mooi Foong
I had a very bad experince on flying too. Worst part was i took a midnight plane to bangkok alone while my friends are all in bangkok waiting for me. I didnt had the idea of being scared so it wasn’t a problem for me flying alone there. The journey from my country to bangkok is not very far just about an hour more to 2 hours. I was very excited when getting up the plane and settle down in my seat thinking finally i can go for a vacation after working all the time. The plane take off and everything seems normal until when we are at mid air, the plane starts to have some problems and we are advice to buckle up. Didnt know what was happening but burning smell and oxcigen pipe drop out. it scared the sh_t out of me! I thought u was going to die… And dying like this is not what i had in mind trust me!!
But somehow the pilot turn back to the air port where we took off and made an emergency landing where we need to hold our heads down. Saw many ambulance and fire engines truck was waiting for our landing. But finally we made our landing safe and thanks to the pilot. Everyone was clapping but not me. All i wanted was hurry down the plane and dmake sure my legs was touching the ground. Since than i have problems with flying… But i am going on the plane again end of this month for new year celebration and its gonna be 8 hours on the plane.. so i am sooo glad that this article exist and i guess it does help me in some kind of way in my phobia. Just have to think all the positive side i guess and leave it to the pilots.. no used thinking the bad side when it might not even happen. God blessed!!!
Rachel
May I hyperlink to this post with the same words as your title? I am writing a blog post about how to not be bored and one of my tips is to book a last minute vacation and I wanted to link to outside bloggers’ posts for this part as I have no experience in this department (I love the rush during taking off and landing)!
NomadicMatt
Yes, you can link to my post.
Samantha T
I still love to fly and hope I never start feeling anxious like you have lately. I do have to admit that I don’t like the taking off part, but I like the landing. I know that is backwards, I just like watching the city come into view and watching the flaps / slats (not sure what they are called) come up and slow us down. I hope to do more flying in the near future and that it doesn’t become an issue as we get older. Thanks for sharing the great tips in case I need them in the future.
Stef
Currently sitting in the airport bar and not wanting to board the flight home. The plane ride earlier was awful, the poor man next door to me thought it was my first flight.
Jane
I am reading this right before a flight because every time I fly I also like to repeat fact to myself why flying is safe. I fly pretty much every month, yet I am still terrified every time and I can really relate to your post so much! Reading this made me feel a bit better though and made me smile, thanks for that (:
Christine
I recently couldn’t get onto a flight and my daughter and I ended up getting into a taxi and going home from the airport. The ache in my heart (because I was disappointing her and spoiling an amazing holiday we were about to go on) was unbearable, and I cried for days afterwards. My main fear I think is the small size of the cabin I’ll be stuck in for hours. My mind shrinks the space and I find I can barely breathe and my anxiety levels go through the roof. I have flown quite a few times – and loved it when I was younger. My issue now is that my daughter hates seeing me go through that horrible pain and anxiety, and is determined that she won’t put me through that again to try and travel overseas (unless the flight is only a few hours – something I can cope with after I take an Alcapan). I desperately want to be able to travel to Europe, but I don’t know how I can convince her that, even though I’ll be terrified for the flights, I really, really want to try and go.
Has anyone tried taking several flights – with several nights’ stopovers along the way – to get to longer destinations? (Europe for me is 14 hours and then 7 hours.)
Do others find daytime flights (where you can see what’s going on) help?
Ross
Wow Matt I can relate to just about everything in your post. I too used to not be afraid to fly and used to love rollercoasters and pretty much anything that was a little dangerous I would get a kick out of it. I used to fly once every couple of years to England to visit family, I would actually look forward to the flight. Being in my little nook with my little bottle of wine and ordering a personal dinner. I loved it all. But I guess things really changed over the years, you no longer have that sense of invincibility. I like to research strange things, one day I decided to do plane crashes, I do not recommend this for those with fear of flying. I mean I would read the cvr transcripts and like to find out the exact moment those pilots realized their screwed and what went wrong. It is all interesting to me. But now I unfortunately can’t fly at all anymore. When I was 25 I flew to England where my sister decided to have her wedding. The flight there was smooth I didn’t think much of it. The flight back however, over the Atlantic ocean against the wind was bumpy the entire ride. It was also twice as long of a flight. It was the longest 8 hours of my life. I avoided flying for a few years until just a couple months ago I had to fly to Florida for a friends wedding. First off my flight got delayed because there was part that needed to be replaced. While waiting I tried to buy things that would keep me busy in flight like crosswords and magazines. These were pointless since as soon as the plane takes off my mind is only focused on one thing, getting to my destination safely. I usually have my headphones in pretending to sleep but really I’m just clenching the arm rest preparing for every little bump on the way. The turns freak me the hell out too. I can’t even enjoy my vacation once I landed because in the back of my mind I’m worried about the flight back. I actually considered renting a car and driving from Orlando to new Jersey. But I didn’t. I instead got loaded at the airport Applebee’s and sucked it up. I feel like each flight takes years off my life from the anxiety. It’s just not worth it for me anymore, I’m done flying for now.
Dennis
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Laura
Thanks so much for that article. I’m in the same situation as you. I used to be fine with flying, but in the last few years any long haul flights scare me to death. And living in New Zealand means that I have to get used to flying long haul if I want to see the world. I’m going to use those tips for my trip to China next week. Thanks
Heather Denny
Your ‘fake it until you make it’ tip is a great idea! As a hypnotherapist I work every day with the unconscious and one of the most amazing things about your unconscious is that it can’t tell the difference between reality and make-believe. So ‘faking it until you make it’ will, in time, convince you that all’s well. Another great tip I give my fear of flying clients is to breathe out for twice as long as you breathe in. Count your in breath and double the count as you breathe out. This simple technique helps trigger your body’s natural relaxation response. I recommend it next time you’re feeling a little anxious on a flight. Bon voyage!
Adam Brensen
Hi Matt,
Did you end up overcoming your fear? I thought maybe you had had a transformational experience after this article was published. That would be a great follow up story if it were true!
Steve Watson
Nice Post 🙂
My Mom is suffering from the same anxiety. I don’t know how to convince her that it isn’t much hard to travel on a plane, the way she thinks.
Anyways the post is quite interesting. 🙂
Rich Spencer
Trip on Thursday – bricking it. Used to live in Dubai and travelled long haul all the time. My fear has stopped me flying now for 6 years, but now have no choice as travel / flights are a requirement of my new employment.
Fingers crossed.